NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

[Former-Member]

Hi @Change123

Its a normal reaction to nearly lose it when someone is yelling in your face. Keeping in mind at the time that you are not being targeted but it is bad behaviour on their part as they are doing that to mostly all the staff will help you to keep your cool at the time (not take it personally). At first I thought it may have been due to age-related disease such as dementia - until you mentioned the wife whom is much younger is the same. They are obviously thus just being plain arrogant and rude, taking out their stressors on their employers because they believe they can get away with it. 

All staff members should respectfully tell them "Excuse me!!", when the bosses are being rude to them. No one should ever put up with bad behaviour regardless in they are in a vulnerable position. Damage to self esteem is fair more serious. It's not only bad for the employees own self esteem which no job can replace -  it is also bad for those bosses who behaviour badly - if they keep getting away with it they will become worse people and hurt more people. Employees need to stand up to them like in any other bullying scenario. Only way to truly win whether the job is retained or not. Self respect is still intact - the most important thing.

If I were in a position to advise staff this is the advice I would give - don't allow it and speak up for yourselves when abused "but" don't bully back or lose it". Going down to someone's lower level will only make matters worse as would do nothing. Same result. Let the owners know politely that they have no right to speak to others this way. If they sack many people for doing this, for asserting their dignity as human beings, it will not be as stressful a fight as you think in reporting this to the proper authorities as you would not be alone. Encourage others treated the same way to join you. The numbers would speak for themselves and the owners would be the ones who would come under duress (and rightly so). Never underestimate the power of people who speak the truth.

Also explaining to the owners of the business that their poor treatment of staff will result in loss of productivity and profit for their business may make them think twice before treating staff poorly. A successful business consists of happy employees whom are respected and appreciated for their hard work will always put that bit extra in. All the best.

[Change123]

Hi @Former-Member, @PeppiPatty, @utopia & @Appleblossom

Problem is even the operations manager who is next in line to them cant talk any sense.  He is fed up too but no one will bother with lawyers and safework etc because they have money and they will just pay for lawyers and if we go up against them then we will no doubt be without a job which none of us can afford.  Its even worse today, the gentlement I spoke up about before has a back injury just a pinched nerve.  Now he hardly ever takes time off and has been here for over 15 years.  The owner - she doesnt believe in doctors and mainly uses alternative therapies but is pissedoff with him because he wont go to a chiro, he has been going to the doctor who has prescrribed some medication.  Any she told me that if he isnt any betrer when he gets back she will tell him that he has to go to the chiro or he hasnt got a job!  I THINK WE ALL KNOW YOU CANT SAY THAT!!! and there is so much more wrong with that statement - she doesnt own him he has the right to his own choice of medical treatment and he is following doctors orders.  So I'm very wound up for this as he will be back tomorrow. This gentlemen constantly talks to me and I know he is looking for another job, everyone I think trusts me here but they all know I alone cant do anything and no one really wants to complain to higher authroisties as they dont want the stress.  So that being said I guess all I can do is be there for this employee when he comes to me. .

@Former-Member as it is employees are showing that they are not motivated and hate being here.  I dont think they have the motivation to go to authorities, I know quite a few are due for their pro rata next year so I think they are hanging out for that and then they will go.

Its really said when this place never used to be that bad, the wfie always had issues with people in general and I believe the company has now got a reputation of being arrogant but in true arrogance they just scoff at this.  This place is imploding really and to be honest I dont think it will be around too much longer, it cant function like this its just crazy so I will be very surprised if I'm still here same time next year and like I said I just keep my eyes open in the meant time.

Oh! boy that felt good to get that off my chest, stomache not churning as much now.

Must go and do some work will check in at lunch.

Have a lovely day everyone and thanks for all your caring comments.

[PeppiPatty]

your bosses.....stupid ...........

We are here for you @Change123

What can you do right now for yourself ?

 Are you tryig to influence change in your work? 

Can you?

Can you change yourself only ?

[Change123]

Hi @PeppiPatty

Since I have become HR Manager (last 2.5 years) I have constantly tried to initiate change but I keep getting into trouble for doing this with the owners and the Operations Manager who is the only one they will listen to  is firstly fed up and 2nd he doesnt see HR issues as his main problem becuse he is just trying to keep everyone in employed at the moment.  So I understand but no one lets me do my job properly or by legislation. Example in my performance appraisal the negatives were (this is from the female owner) :

• I'm too nice to employees
• I'm too nice to customers and suppliers (was told to be nice in my own time)
• I shouldnt talk to employees about their personal problems if they come to me
• I do my work too quickly (but hardly ever any errors)
• I overdo things in my work??

and when I asked for examples so I would understand she couldnt give me any - I just go against her.  She is naturally rude and arrogant and probably cant stand that I'm not and she is soooo unorganised she leaves everything and I mean everything to the very, very last minute and because I dont she hates it I'm sure.

I think @PeppiPatty I need to change myself and not give a shit and just do what they want me to do until I find somethingelse. I guess the problem for me is that I believe how they treat some staff and one particular staff member is harrassment and abuse and I guess I'm just trying to save people from abuse but I cant as one person alone in this company trying to do the right thing it only upsets me, no other manager in this place gives a toss anymore.  I have worked for a few bosses in my work career that were just plain bullying so I cant stand seeing it and I guess I have always said to myself that if I'm in a position that can make a difference I will and I have really really tried but I'm through bashing my head agaisnt a brick wall.

Not sure if its my BPD making me care so much or my morals or both but I know I cant keep feeling like this because it eats me up. I'm reasonably calm but I can only take so much STUPID!!! 🙂

[Change123]

Well this is not a good turn for me, I'm starting to have panic attacks on Tuesday mornings now because we usually have a management meeting then and thats when the owner usually loses it, fortunately this mornings was cancelled when I got in but I was a mess this morning.  The only positive thing is that I have rehearsed in my head what I will do next that happens. 

1. I will ask straight up "why are you yelling at me when I have done nothing wrong"?
2. If it continues I will get up and say "when the yelling stops I will rejoin the meeting, I dont need to be treated in this manner and it is not acceptable" and then walk out 

I know they cant sack me for it and if they try to make life hard for me well I know the HR rules and I will have hell rain down on them becuase as of tdoay I have decided I wont allow him to treat me like that ever again! 

Seriously after having multiple panic attacks this morning & getting bad runs this has got to stop - now I'm angry but in a good way.

🙂

[utopia]

@Change123. I'm sorry you have had a number of panic attacks this morning. They are awful to go through.
But on the plus side - it has allowed you to sort out what you will and won't put up with from this boss.
Well done for working out what you will say the next time he starts yelling.
No you do not deserve to be treated this way.

[Change123]

Hi Everyone

I'm ok today others are not but I'm just going to use this thread as a source of venting and maybe one day they can make a "days of our lives"  episode from it.  Seriously though its just a bit of a reality check to make sure that what I think is crazy is!

The poor guy I was talking about is so stressed, he is back at work and his back is better.  He actually cant go to the chiro, his doctor wont let him because he has some implants in him that can be affected by the manipulation its actually putting his health in danger.  The owners actually phoned him at home to harrass him more saying that he should go to a chiro.  He rang on Monday before his was due back Tuesday and just asked that I mention to his supervisor if he can avoid gardening for one day.  Well when he came in Tuesday and was ok, she went crazy and said he is to have no restrictions, if his back is ok he can do gardening so I want him to garden today and if he hurts himself well he should have gone to a chiro!  So she wants him to hurt himself just to prove a point!  Is that crazy or what, I had one employer tell me that he punched someone out the other night because he was so wound up becuase of them.  This employee they dont like because he doesnt lead what they call a " proper lifestyle"  but it doesnt effect his work so its no concern of ours but they are making life very hard for him.  He is a bloke that one day will snap and punch out the owner, he has even said that to me.  Meanwhile she wont even speak to this other employee with the back.  The horrible thing is this gentleman has PTSD and possibly BPD as well from child hood abuse so he is very sensitive like us and because his urge to please is so high he will do anything for them and they treat him worse than a dog! (I would never contemplate treating my boy how he is treated)  Fortunately he too has been pushed too far and is looking for another job but is illiterate which makes it hard - I try to help him when I can.  I guess its nice but as everyone seems to trust me they come and talk to me when things get too much. (its a strainwith BPD) They all say " I know you cant do anything"  but I try to give them advice that gives them less stress etc. But they just need a sounding and venting board like me!

I'm sure the saga will continue just like sands in the hourglass................. 🙂

[PeppiPatty]

May I just point out @Change123 that you are moving on and changing xx

[utopia]

Perfectly said @PeppiPatty.

[Change123]

@PeppiPatty & @utopia

Sorry I always like to make sure I know exactly what people mean so I dont misinterpret.

Do you mean by that statement:

1. You think I am changing and moving on inside and thats a good thing OR
2. You think that I need to move on and stop talking about it?

Please dont interepret that as having a go I just need to clarify things if I dont fully understand what people mean thats all.  If you think I'm harping on about it too much - I need honesty and a sounding board so please let me know.

Thanks 🙂