NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

[utopia]

@Change123. I'm glad you're keeping your eye out for other employment. This company and this man don't deserve you.
You deserve a lot better.

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest @Change123 thanks for your messages. Me @BlueBay and @utopia are so interested in this story that your having to manage : for me I was so surprised that the aggressive two bosses you have are still in business.

I really like your name. Change123. This is usually. Little like my passwords I use: your name inspires me to think of original change : that it's you that changes. What do you want out of this terrible situation right now ?

[Change123]

Hi @PeppiPatty, @BlueBay, @utopia

Yes thats why I used the name change because change was needed in my life.

Everything has calmed down for now and this is what has been happening most of this year and it seems to be when he comes back from over seas like he has to assert his ownership of the company.  

It blows up out of proportion mainly becuase they dont have anything else to focus on when we are busy they are fine and times like now they get emotional over the smallest little things especially him and blows all up and then the next day its like its out of his system and he is fine but everyone else is pissed off so then he goes around being extra nice until next time. Look the choices I know I have is: look for another job which I'm keeping my eyes open for, I'm starting a diary from Monday recording what I do as one of the things, he said  that I dont do anything because he doesnt think HR is an actual job. I confronted him in a very passive way this morning about one thing he said to me and he just shirked it off and said dont worry about it - (mainly becuase there ws no substance to it from his side) but I do always confront him when he cracks up at me for nonsense but I wait till the next till I and he have calmed down.  You know they even have access to our emails and spend their days reading the emails the staff send & receive - there is a lot of trust issues here and they wonder why business isnt going too well!!!!!  

For now I will stay until something else comes along and I just need to deal with the issues and not let it get to me.  I guess part of having triggers is learning to deal with them - well this is one trigger I need to deal with on a constant basis so maybe it will help in a weird sort of way???

I dont know is it best to learn to overcome triggers or avoid them totally??  To me if its possible I would like to overcome it.

Thanks everyone! 

[Appleblossom]

It is no surprise to me that there are bullies in the workplace and who run their own businesses. It is part of the reason I was so reluctant to send my resume out as I had witnessed quite a lot and met other disabled people who had sustained injuries in the workplace from bullies.

All I can hope for you @Change123 is that your eye falls on a better position in a company with better leadership and a better culture.

[PeppiPatty]

I think the best thing to do @Change123.....

Is not to  talk or get involved when things go nasty. Go for a walk 

                                                                                  Eat chocolate 

                                                                                  record everything even  if you feel that you will never use it. 

                                                                                  Remember that triggering, yelling stays inside you for a long time. Have a look at what you can do immediately so this ridiculous behaviour does'nt eat you up. 

For instnce : keep on writing online here......it will let go your mess you feel inside your heard and help 

[Change123]

Thanks @PeppiPatty@utopia@Appleblossom

Thanks for all that much appreciated.

I basically do all those things when I'm triggered here - go for a walk, go online and vent.  Some of the problem is it depends on what day it happens - our recpetionist is partime 12 noon to 4pm but now is only on 3 days a week due to work being quiet.  So usually I'm on front reception on those days and when she is in I have a back office that I spend the afternoons in which is great because when I'm triggered I paly soothing music to calm me down like John Butler Trio, Pinkfloyd etc etc and that really helps.  When I cant escape reception I go to the loo and do breathing excercises to calm me down.

Can anyone suggest ways of getting over triggers likefor me yelling.  Is it a matter of constant exposure to overcome it or is there another way??  Obviously I need to get over this some how just wondering on ways to do this.  Or is it more of a struggle when its part of PTSD?

[utopia]

@Change123. My personal experience with being triggered by a male voice yelling - had to do with my workplace incident - that led to PTSD.
I then found a psychologist experienced in EMDR therapy & I haven't had a panic attack since Feb/March this year - & it was a mild attack.
Do you know the initial trigger that has caused this fear? If so - then EMDR may work well for you.
I no longer react to remembering or telling the story of my incident. I have no mental, emotional or physical symptoms. It's almost like I'm just telling a boring story about doing the dishes.
Having said that - I know I am at a higher risk of developing PTSD or having my Depression hit again. So the plan is that I look for work in a safe environment. One without client or Managerial abuse.
What you are doing with loo breaks, breathing& ccalming music - will all help. But ultimately, I think the environment is far too toxic for you to be in.

[Change123]

Hi @utopia

Hopefully this wont come out a 2nd time, I did just reply to your post but it isnt there now.

My trigger of yelling comes from my father, he and my mum were always yelling and screaming at each other and us.  I cant remember any "love" at home, no one ever said to me in my family that they love me, there was just yelling and hatred every day! When the yelling started I would either go to my bedroom and escape to a fantasy ( imaginary friends that I played with) or go outside and spend time with the animals but I always "ran" away so to speak.  Most of my triggers come from my father.

If he was alive I could tell him how much I hated him etc and the yelling but I cant as he is dead.

[utopia]

@Change123. You can still write a letter to your father. Telling him everything that you have ever wanted to say to him.
It can be quite cathartic. Even if the person was alive - you can write a letter - you just don't need to send it.
Just make sure that you have support around you, when you write the letter. As it can be a very emotional and painful release.

[Change123]

For some reason I would rather do it myself and I think tomorrow will be the day.  I have the day off and my partner will be going out.  We just have one car so whenever I am home he takes advantage of having the car.

So it would be a good time to do it and then I can do something in the garden to tire myself out.

Just wondering if somehow I can use this to help with issues at home.  One of our issues is that my parnter says he cant talk to me without me shutting down and sometimes he just raises his voice a bit not yelling and that can be enough for me to either shut down or get very defensive.

Just thinking is there something we can do together at home to help this, ie. I will make him aware of this, he does know but I dont think he gets it.  This may sound stupid but would it help almost like practicing a response of somesort to get my partner to raise his voice a bit when there is no intent (no anger) on a regular basis to help me normalise it more, so I realise something bad doesnt always happen when someone yells at me?