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NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

It's no 1 

I have written that 

A. YOU have called yourself Change because you want to change

B.  YOU are changing inside yourself. YOU have changed already inside yourself. 

YOU are doing ALONE too. 

Good for you honey. It took me much longer and many more years to change.....though I have no regrets becuause I changed in ways that are for me. 

PS. You can ask Apple this: I do not write this lightly, when we first met, we were at each other because we realised that we just thought the same.......now me and @Appleblossom........if I could meet someone here it would be her. 

PP

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

Thanks @PeppiPatty

Yes I do feel over the past year or so I have made some improvement - my partner probably doesnt thinks so but he is only interested in what immediately effects him. I am " changing"  I feel and hold different priorities and for once I have started putting myself first which is really hard to do when you have been taught that " other people come before you"  and thats what was drummed into me as part of religion that I must think of others first before myself.  I know now that this is what cause most of my harm so I have decided to be a bit selfish and put my own priorities and needs first.  Also I have become very assertive, I dont cop crap from anyone or any establishment with out atleast having my say.   I guess also in my job its given me the confidence as I deal with solicitors at times, I have dealt with workers comp people, ombudsmen etc etc so I am used to dealing with people in higher positions and they dont intimidate anymore me including doctors. 

Thanks also @Appleblossom

You have wonderful words of wisdom and I appreciate all your comments and support - and obviously well respected which you deserve!

Anyway I figure if I use this thread as a venting process it can relieve me of some of the turmoil and getting feedback is great, because my biggest problem is that I question myself way too much and my interpretation of things.  At the same time writing all this saga down helps me look at it and see it exactly how it should be seen RIDICULOUS AND STUPID - employee should not have to endure this type of craziness! (I think they have worse problems than me!) 🙂

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

@Change123. It's all positive changes you are making. You are making changes that are good for your mental and physical health.
The more you utilise this new voice of yours - to assert your right s to a peaceful and loving life - the less pain they will cause you.
I think you are doing wonderful things. I find your growth and change inspiring.
But keep posting here. I'm enjoying watching your journey to a better, more confident you.
A big thumbs up.

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

Dear @Change123

I have been thinking....that I am ashamed to write that I had no insight when I got really ill. I thought well, I'm coping with dying son, a furious older son, divorce, vicious parents: I could not see any way out. 

What I write next is going to sound strange: I Apologise if it is not you but it helped me. 

Be positive as much as posible. 

No victim talk.

Dialogue as much as pos.

Every night, before you shut your eyes, or when you have 5 minutes to yourself, reflect on what other in your life are going through. Do not be like me: think, well, I'm coping so they can too, see life from their side. 

You are alreaady doing this anyway. 

Be strong about your needs and stick with them. 

Look at the stars and talk about the different stars in the sky. Feel their peace. 

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

Thanks @utopia & @PeppiPatty

Thank you so much for your replies and @PeppiPatty I guess one of my downfalls I have to stop doing is victim talk, I know I do this and my partner picks me up on it all the time.  I know its just become a terrible habit as well as thinking my glass is half empty.  I also know one of my areas I need to work on is the "attachment" thing.  For example forums, like @BlueBay said when she needed a break but came back because she wanted to know how we were etc etc.  I'm the same but I get really annoyed with myself about it.  I give myself breaks from forums because otherwise I just can spend too much time on them, I get too involved with others etc etc.  So since especially the last few weeks I have been on them so much and I do recognise I went through the worst melt down ever of my life and I also realise its partly due to me internalising everything so I know venting is good for me when things get too much but I feel I need to restrict myself so I dont get too dependent on them as I feel I am now.  Work is very quiet at the moment so it gives me the opportunity to post more but I am going to try, from tomorrow I will only post before work and in my lunch break.  I need to realise people wont hate me because I havent replied straight away or added my comments etc etc and hopefully my need for this forum will dissapate a bit. 

I'm just going to have some discipline about it.  My problem is I know all the things to do and the logical way to do things but the problem is if my brain is not thinking straight I dont have the disciplineto carry those things out.  I always start with good intentions and they fade away.

Small goal to start with:

tomorrow I will only post first thing in the morning and then in my lunch break, I'm not in on Fridays but then next week I will attempt the same.  1 week and see how I go, if you notice I'm posting other than those times feel free to call me out on it - I need that.

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

Dear @Change123

You are fine. You might be a bit harsh on yourself and also your partner. EAsy to do. I caught my husband out yesterday....He does SO MANY things wrong that he leaps down my throat very quickly. Not my fault.

Think of it that you don't want to follow that trait of your parents. 

I dont know if you have studied: if you have: I was that young lady in the corner sobbing away because could'nt cope with the stress of study. EVery day, I would turn up and attack the day again, and get through, self involved, the famous victim of Art School. 

I

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

PROUD OF MYSELF!

I managed to turn a potential bad situation for me to a good situation.

The wife owner just had a go at me because she forgot to make an account payment and she went off ranting how we dont let her know etc so my reply was  very nice:

"I'm sorry you havent been told, I dont handle the accounts as blah blah usually looks after it and I stick to the HR and other stuff but what I can do is ensure a report is printed after each monthly payment and that should let you know who has been misssed" her face was priceless it was gobsmacked and "yes that would be very helpful helpful" and then she changed her tune with me.  So I could have just got defensive and said its not my job blah blah which it isnt but instead I offered her a solution and she didnt know where to go with that! 

🙂

 

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

@Change123
Criticism accompanied with suggestions for a potential solution are very rarely dismissed without due consideration.
Well done! 🎶😄

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

Let me know if you want me to keep posting this.

I'm using this thread as an outlet for venting to do with work.

Firstly I'm ok - havent been yelled at or anything but feeling really bad for a young employee who just resigned.  This poor guy he is only 24 and has a child and is married.  With work being so quiet and him being on 4 day week too he cant make finances meet so an opportunity has come up for a better position and more money and as he needs to take care of his family he has to think of them.  I actually applaud him for being mature enough to take this responsbility on and make sure his family is looked after first. He has been here 7 years nearly and done his apprenticeship and gave us a very nice resignation letter thanking us etc etc tried to do all the right things and now they are harrassing him and bullying him.  The wife is saying things like " I have a very long memory"  and you can tell him " yes thanks for shi--ng on us".Because I'm the meat in the middle I'm trying to protect him in the sense that I'm trying to convey things to her as nicely as possible so I dont get her too worked up but she now has it in for him for the rest of notice period. I have had a little chat with him and told him everyone else supports him and knows what he is doing is nothing to do with loyalties but the realities of life and I wished him every success in the future.

I guess I cant shake this sad feeling from it, I'm not sure if its because I'm sensative to others pain especially if unjustified (BPD thing) or if its just a simple case of ohh not again and I'm tired of this.  I'm not anxious which is good, not angry or raging just a bit saddened by the whole thing.  I truly suspect by the end of next year this company will fold if the owners dont change thier attitudes.

Anyway hope you dont mind me venting here have no one else to vent to.

Thanks

 

Re: NEED HELP WITH RAGE!

Im still reading and I feel that this is an important thread. 

CAn I make a suggestion :

Could you write in point form because you might be better for you to see how your dealing with it: For instance: your last email could be seen as: 

 

1; I'm okay. But younger at age  employee resigned.

1A. Couldnt cope with being not much work and has baby at home. 

1B He HAS been there for 7 years

1C nearly done apprentiship, resignation was kind letter. 

2. 

2A Wife is bullying him. Saying: 'I have a very long memory. Saying thanks for ..... on us" 

3.

3A: I am the meat in the sandwich

3A My responce is:

3C being nice to her about him.

3D Had a chat to him that everyone is supporting him. 

3E Im feeling sad. 

3F: The company will fold if the owners stop taking advantage of us and change their attitude.

They are still taking advantage of our good nature. 

 

3F is something that I feel...........

 

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