Not well @NatureLover will know more about where I stand by the end of the week. Had a very hard time yesterday. Its all very up in the air and my lawyers warned me to keep it out of court because its likely to not go my way. She said she’s on my side with it emotionally but legally not a lot I can do. That’s been a tough pill to swallow.
I stopped at the bottle shop after it, pulled up in the car port at home and started drinking in the car. Didn’t want to go inside the house, didn’t want to keep going with life. Had a few to work up the nerve and tried doing something stupid which I can’t go in detail here. But I’m sure you get it. Had a bit of a moment where it hit me that I wasn’t being smart, because yeah, my son was meant to come home to me last night. I can’t really believe I did that knowing he would’ve been coming home to me. What is wrong with me? I just didn’t even care anymore. Just wanted to die. But yeah, stopped and pulled myself together and he came home like normal. Far out what a shit move that was. Ex would’ve had to find me with my son there as well. Far out. Was not thinking clearly at all. Its just starting to sink in really what a low move that was. I don’t want either of them to see me like that. That’s just cruel.
Anyway, patched myself up. A bit sore. But alive, so, yeah. Just telling myself to hold out to Friday. Hoping to God things will turn around and I’ll get a win here soon. Because I don’t think I can take anymore blows. I am hanging by a thread.
Thinking I’ll email my psych tonight and let him know whats happening. Maybe he’ll see it, he checks his emails once a week or something when on leave. Maybe he’ll get back to me and give me a good verbal slap and I’ll be able to think straight again.
Wish I had something more positive to report. Thanks for checking in, means a lot to me
