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Depression Dementia Dad

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

How are things going @lapses

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

 

Hi @ Darcy, thanks for asking. How are you? I haven't had time or energy to go reading all over the forums, on my tiny mobile, keeping up. So hope u & hubby OK.

Its been a rollercoaster week and I'm so tired. Selling my house is an untimely necessity, my siblings continue making things harder than lighter and to be honest, it felt I nearly broke. But somehow have woke slightly refreshed today so maybe its true "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"

What complicated things this week is having THE TALK WITH DAD about going into RRC - Residential Respite Care. Its hard knowing his level of understanding but at least now, after two recent falls, he accepts that he can't be here alone. He totally 'gets' that I'm selling my house way up in Qld, found a buyer and need to go empty it very soon (though contract still subject to finance which is in the bag they say). "Of cause" he said when I asked if he understands. BUT... Dad asked me to ask Bro2 & wife if they could take him in for a couple of weeks.

Reluctantly I sent tx to bro2, and his wife, with dad's request. She wanted to but deferred to hubby & of cause, he sent off ambivolenr msgs, demanded all dads information and the keys to this house and within the hour had Bro4 standing in front of me declaring "I can stay here & mind dad, I was on call before mum died, you don't have to put him into residential care..." Smiley Sad 

Delicate situation with bro4's Sz MI, drugs, bad finances, temper, recent conflict with neighbour involving  police and his MH case manager...

__________

 

Bro2 & wife palmed off dad's request to stay at their place - thinks the 'unemployed' brothers should do more... Ye.... right... Doesn't matter that

- BRO-1 is confined to a wheelchair with MS

- BRO-3 is on CTO antipsychotics injections for Sz, gambles, smokes dope, always broke (I had to leave dad on his own and drive round my spare asthma spray to him Tues pm re  asthma attack (how could I not when my girl died from asthma Smiley Sad )

- BRO-4 also on CTO for Sz with a MH case manager, smokes dope, disowned his own children, borrows money from dad every fortnight...

Yep, BRO-2 thinks they (me included) faking MI for 'welfare' Yep, good old Bro2 might manage his own life well, even his one man business, but as far as being a 'brother' - what a disappointment! And, why can't dad stay with him & his wife while I go sort my house a couple a weeks! ......

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Will send up a few extras re: wisdom @lapses

Highlighted
Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@lapses

Thinking of you and praying also. 

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Darcy & @Determined.

& @Appleblossom - thanks for this msg below (c&p from other thread). Know you've lived this. Just knowing you 'know' helps me not feel so alone. TankUSmiley Happy
"Lapses, You have so much on with that family of yours. You need the skills of a UN diplomat for those brothers. I believe the polarisation in attitudes can contribute to the development of mental illness, but thats not to blame the "healthy" more functional one. It probably meant that there was not a caring village around helping to raise you all.
I had a similar conflict between my rich and poor brothers. Tried to bridge it, but no use. Rich brother matured and understood by the end, but too late. He also did the best with what he knew. I can be more philosophical about it now. For many years my brain and insides just screamed with the anguish of it all. Apple"

Sorry you've had to go through it too Smiley Sad
Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Daily living needs do take proriety.

Yesterday I prepared

- 3 meals & cuppa breaks

- washed, hung, folded & bought in x4 loads washing (all dad's inc the many towels).

- entertained a very loud new friend who dropped in for coffee Smiley Surprised 

- spoke with Bro4 who feels under attack by demons, processed neighbours and spiritual forces Smiley Sad
- Helped dad change (incontinent), he'll need to again before bed.
- took dad out for coffee
- grabbed essential groceries
- made bedbeds
- check BSL (12.8) Smiley Sad
- gave night pills
...
It's never ending.
...
GOOD NEWS IS - on his way to bed, using his new walker tray trolley, dad grabbed some of his clothes and put them away himself Smiley Happy. He even folded the singlets. I followed him with the rest of his washing, a full basket folded, and he not only put it all away but came back out for a cuppa.
Then...
He announced he's going to bed, managed to change all by  himself  (me monitoring from a distance), and lifted those legs himself into bed Smiley Happy 
I'm officially impressed! Smiley Happy

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

That is impressive @lapses 

 

 

 

Community Guide

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

That is impressive @lapses Smiley HappyHeart

Community Elder

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Glad your dad felt up to doing some things for himself. @lapses 

Its another of the strains of caring... how much to do ... or let them do.

Its daily and ongoing, but glad you had time for some cuppas!

Smiley Happy

Community Guide

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@lapses, how is today going my friend Heart

 

Mental Illness Fellowship of Australia (NT), MIFA(NT) is a non-government organisation providing services for people living with a mental illness and their carer’s and families. 

 

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