Family members detrimental to my well being

[Decadian]

Hi @Jacques

You have had an isolated life and have somehow become stuck there - with separation anxiety - your Dad - your looking after him until he died - and now a snippy aunt

Your Mum is not well either and both of you are so lost in the isolation is it so hard to continue - yet each morning you have to wake up from the night and face another day of the same feelings

Do you ever ring Life Line and talk to the people there. You can ring them as often as you need to - and you can tell and re-tell your story. Sometimes you might get a person who doesn't seem to understand you - but try again - listening to your story is the reason they are there

I understand you are afraid of people - and yet we all need people. Our brains need the stimulation of other people -

But I think the best thing I can say is that I hear you and I understand. You are seeking to find your way out by writing in these forums - and you were among the first to welcome me - so you are not completely lost

I get it Jacques

Decadian

[Decadian]

Hi @Appleblossom

It's good to see you again - yes - losing someone to suicide is devastating - but this year writing in these forums is helping a lot

I am amazed about that person you were doing some work with regarding narrative training -  always carping on about what was happening outside the room! Obviously she was not helpful - I am sorry you had to have that happen when you are seeking a way to manage life - she was a bad example

@Jacques

I have a cat - she's about 12.5 years old now and she is everything to me - my companion. And she is bossy - but if you know you wouldn't be the kind of person who would not manage an animal well it is a good thing you know this.

But if you have wild-life on your property you could find out the right things for them to eat and befriend them - it would take time but there is one thing about animals - they can manage alone - they might get to like you but if it wasn't your day for seeing the animals they would get along fine -

With pets you do need to be able to tend them - and you did an amazing job with your Dad

I am sorry your friend died and it has been a long time since your spoke to him. That is sad. About funerals - they are not for the person who died - that person doesn't need it - they have gone.

But we the living do need it - it is the chance to commemorate a person's life - but if you can't make it then you can't - I understand. Death is hard to handle. Funerals are difficult events

                                                         * * * * *

My Dad had a good death - I was on good terms with him and it was hard - but the funeral was okay - my mother and I were not on good terms through my whole life - and she was a shell on of person - and the funeral was probably okay as funerals go - but it was terrible for me. But I am over losing my parents - we expect to have our parents die before us - but not one of our children - I will never get over that - I have learned to live around it though - and understand people better now -

And people are people - there are those with more good points than bad - and other people we don't want to know - it's bad to have them in our own family - and we can't choose family -

[Crazy_Bug_Lady]

Hi @Jacques
I'm at work atm and can't be on here too long (don't want to get caught not working)
Just wanted to pop in and say hi. Please remember that no matter what, you have friends here. In this day and age I think online friends are just as important as irl friends.
And friends are like family, but even better... you can choose them!!
We are an online family. ❤❤

Better go, I'll try and catch up later.

[Decadian]

Thanks Jaques - I am glad I can be here even in this small way - I do try and help - and my life - it is okay some days and not okay in others. This time of year is very hard for me - and this time of year comes around every year - but I hope it will be easier this year.

[Jacques]

@Decadian,

The difference this year i hope is you have friends on this forum to help you through your tough times, please alwasy remember you did the best yu could with your son, you stuck by him when no one else would, that is a wonderful memory to have, If you ever need support or just a friendly ear to listen, please post here, i am only to happy to listen and help you through these times.

take care my friend.

Jacques

[Jacques]

OMG @Crazy_Bug_Lady, how are you, we have not spoken for so long, i have read your post on Killi, i am so glad things are good between you two, it is so nice to read you are doing well more days now than not. 

Oh gosh please don't get into trouble for me, i think you are right, i get more enjoyment on here talking to friends than i have ever been able to achieve in real life. we are all friends and we are all like family, i think about you often, i hope things are improving for you every day. 

take care my friend. hope i can speak to you some more when you waant or on Friday Feast if i can manage it.

Jacques

[Decadian]

Thanks Jaques - I do feel as if I have friends here - friends I can really share with - yes - I did the best with my son - sometimes I need someone else remind me - I have some great memories of him with all the hard ones - I treasure the good ones

Decadian

[Jacques]

That is so special @Decadian, hold onto those memories with both hands, for people like you and i memories are all we have, i am so glad you feel you have friends here, we are all in this together, as they say strength in numbers 🙂

Jacques

[PeppiPatty]

I thinnk it was @Decadian or someone else suggested me to find @BlueBay writing about her mother and found this swesome thread..........

wow. 

Is'nt @Decadian special @Jacques

@Jacques you are so intuitive to bring this thread up; Thankyou. I was actually diagnosed as BPD diagnosis when it gets really terrible with my Mum before I went into Therapy in 2003 with my great Psychotherapist................

[Jacques]

Hi @PeppiPatty,

Yes you are right the strength and courage @Decadian has is amazing, i know she is hurting now with the anniversary coming up, but it was nice to read she is going to the Canberra war museum, @Decadian, i can highly recommend it, it was such a privilege to walk through their, it really does take your breath away.

Yes @PeppiPatty, i do think sometimes families can do more harm than good.  I do hope things work out with your mum, you are trying so hard i just hope their is a solution.

hugs

Jacques