Family members detrimental to my well being

[eth]

HI @PeppiPatty the thread I suggested by @BlueBay is called Mother's Day.
Hope you are well today 🙂

[Decadian]

Thanks everyone

It is wonderful that people think I am amazing - and I appreciate hearing that

But reallty - I am an ordinary person who has lived a long time already and I still encounter tough things ib my life and know that it is the hard stuff that has made me care a lot about other people

You are all very special people

Decadian

[Aphrodite]

Hi All - My first post - I have been living with depression for a few years (I would say alot longer, but didn't know it), but I have lost my resilience considerably since my sister committed suicide 3 years ago, and have had a couple of horrific and painful experiences with family members. A fractured family, lots of pain and anger. Yet another incident has happened with a sister who is suffering from mental health issues. She recently left a relationship which was mentally and emotionally abusive, and has come to care for my mother - absolutely devastated with what we have been enduring with her. My sister exploded the other night which has triggered an episode where I was unable to go to work for a couple of days, and have severe headaches, crying, sleeplessness, anger. My thoughts just won't let up - full of pain. Angry that my 12 year old son is exposed to another family incident. Just don't want to be around them any more - I don't feel love - have tried that. More to write, but must get myself off to bed as work tomorrow, hopefully.

A bit silly to start something that I could not finish.  Never mind.

Aphrodite

[utopia]

Just read your post @Aphrodite. I'm sorry to hear you are going through so much pain.
Unfortunately not all families are healthy to be around and not all members in a family are able to give love. You worry about your son seeing this 'disfunction'. I understand. I have a 13 year old and I'm a single mum.
What about friends? Do you have support from them? Do you see a counselor to help with your depression? What sort of things do yiu enjoy doing? Reading, art/craft, music, writing, exercising, sport, cards? Are you able to spend more time doing activities you enjoy? What activities do you and your son do together?
I hope others will join this discussion and have some experience and advice that will help you.

[Aphrodite]

Hi @Utopia and thankyou for your response. I was very seriously into exercise, however I lost that discipline after my sister died and I have battled chronic tiredness and muscle pain - I was originally diagnosed with depression about 5 years ago, but I always felt there was something else going on, but I desperately didn't want my diagnosis to be depression. I saw a Rheumatologist and she diagnosed Fibro Myalgia Syndrome, but I do believe that it is the depression that is the main issue at the moment.  I originally went on a medication for 2 years, but to be honest, I couldn't see what it was doing for me - I have since gone off it some time ago and want to manage without medication if I can, and I do believe I can because it is always family stuff that puts me in a depressive state, and besides I believe that medication is only a part of recovery.  I saw my dead sister go on and off so many medications over the years, and I believe that they made her worse. I do have a couple of friends who are supportive, and one friend in particular visits me every Saturday without fail when he noticed that I was really different and something was wrong. I look to these friends, but I also do take advantage of what is on offer in the community for support, including here.  Talking helps me heaps. Honestly, I just haven't had the resources for anything except work 3 school hour days a week and take care of everything else - cook, clean, etc etc. It is the overwhelming sadness I feel for my son whose father has absolutely no idea and is very detrimental to my son emotionally as well - he is an only child, and it just hurts me so much to think that he will grow up with little sense of family because I don't plan on spending too much time with mine, and his father is not from this country, so he has no family from his side here.  I will be pursuing some support by way of a Councillor through my doctor shortly. I am certainly in a better place than I was last week, and I realize that it is best for me to stay away from family for the time being, but will need to make a show at some stage.  Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post - it really does help me. 

[Decadian]

Hi Aphrodite

Welcome to the website

That is a sad story

My mother died last year - and I do not feel the least guitly that I did not see her for 2.5 years before she died - she had driven me away all my life - and I told here I would not be back - and I did not until just before she died

To me it is not healthy to be around a famil that is detrimental to our health - I would have felt hypocritical - but it was hard for a time after she died because I had not had the chance to have that great conversation every one should have - like the one I had just before my father died - he was great

I honestly think that it is better to make your own family - it's a bit like a family in this website - we can share our lives here -

But - you do need to take care of your own health - I have chronic pain syndrome - and I know that a chronic condition is hard to live with - you might have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndome or depression - or maybe all three - of them

That overwhelming sadness you have - that is hard to live with - it can way you down and make life a nightmare

I am sure you do the best you can and it is hard because you want to better - but that might not be possible right now

Decadian

[PeppiPatty]

thanks for that reminder about @BlueBay

@utopia you have a 13 year old girl??

superstar.....

[PeppiPatty]

Golly @Decadian

you are beautiful and understanding.I need to run off for a hour or so.....can we pic this post up one day @Decadian

peace and a yummy dinner for you @Decadian PPx

[utopia]

Ho @Aphrodite. My mum has fibro myalgia. Runs in my family. I'm ignoring my symptoms at the moment. Focusing on getting my mental health right before I deal with the physical.
My son has seen mecgo through a lot since I got sick over 2 years ago. Luckily I have a mum who helps both of us & I'd be lost without my best friend. She has been huge in my recovery. Friends like that are worth more than gold. Glad you have a friend like that.
My son participates in lots of sports and music. He has some good friends and seems popular among his peers. But I still watch and keep an eye on him. There are support groups for kids whose parents have a MI. Maybe your son might like to join a group like that. And hopefully he is busy enjoying the things he likes doing. And that he has good friends around him.
We want the best for our kids.

[utopia]

@peppipatti. I have a 13 year old boy.