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Running From A Borderline

I've left my diagnosed BPD ex husband nearly one year ago. I left without giving him any notice and planned it all in secret. I had been so unhappy over the years... I felt like I was living in a twilight zone. He made me question my own reality and who I was. Everything was mine or my child's fault. I was completely controlled and isolated. He controlled the money and would give me pocket money each week and would stop me from going out and socialising.... those sorts of things<br><br>I never said once I left that I was completely ending the relationship and I still have not said those words today. Why? Because he is so full of hate and revenge and is so unpredictable that I am scared to. I have to maintain contact because we have a child together.<br><br>He has threatened to try to take my children away from me, to take me to court for all sorts of things - mainly financial, he has made up fake profile accounts of me and contacted my exs, contacted friends posing as me asking for sex.... I have tried to play nice because he is seriously psychotic and constantly threatens to ruin my life and start a smear campaign against me.<br><br>Then because his emotions fluctuate so much he then will cycle between that and telling me he's going to hurt himself because he's so in love with me and can't live without me. He cannot hold down a job and has serious drug and alcohol issues.<br><br>It's taking a toll on me. The texts and emails are constant.<br><br>Any advice please??
in respsonse to: Running From A Borderline
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Re: Running From A Borderline

Hi @TheClimb

Welcome to Sane.

It sounds like you were in an abusive relationship for quite awhile and were wise to leave for the safety of yourself and children. I can read the fear you still have of your ex with him being hateful and revengeful - already playing that out by violating and smearing your reputation falsely online. 

The even more concerning part is the possible reality of this revengeful man who is addicted to drugs and alcohol that is triggering psychosis episodes having custody for any period of time with your children. If that is the reality your children would be at risk to get back at you. The first thing I would be doing is contacting the relevant authorities with the situation and seek protection and fight for full custody - with him only having supervised visitation rights because of his instability, threats, addictions, etc. 

If you continue to receive threats, be intimidated and feel your safety is at risk by your ex - seek an AVO. Don't let him continue to control you. Take back your life by seeking the above. There is an organisation called RESPECT that you can contact that may assist, advice and support you with achieving this.

This may be good ultimately for your ex as well - as then he would be aware he would have to help himself by seeking help with his addictions (which have to come first before any medication for his mental issues could be effective to gain stability over his psychosis) - then with his mental disorders in order to see his children.

A very difficult situation - please keep safe.


Re: Running From A Borderline

That sounds like an intense situation @TheClimb and so incrdibly exhausting.

As @Former-Member mentioned, it's worth connecting with some support around this to help you navigate things. Did you manage to get in touch with 1800RESPECT?

You can also access support by chatting with your GP and getting a referral to a counsellor in your area too. Spectrum also have some useful resources on BPD worth having a read over (might be stuff you're already aware of). Look after yourself @TheClimb and please do contact 000 if at any time you're ever feelng worried about your safety or the safety of somebody else. Take good care of yourself 🐼


Re: Running From A Borderline

Unfortunately in my experience with this kind of thing, the combination of losing a partner and losing control of the situation (When he sounds like someone who 'NEEDS' the  control) can be enough to make him very unstable mentally and obsessive. He is unlikely to back down and will probably try to manipulate you back in to his life. The only chance you have is to avoid him wherever possible. 

For urgent assistance, call:


Mental Illness Fellowship of Australia (NT), MIFA(NT) is a non-government organisation providing services for people living with a mental illness and their carer’s and families. 


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2/273 Bagot Rd,
Coconut Grove, NT 0810

PO Box 40556,
Casuarina NT 0811

P: (08) 8948 1051
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