Mental Illness Fellowship Northern Territory

Thank you for being you Teej ❤ that twisting is spot on. I know how to deal with all kinds of stuff, but not this one. This is new to me. I've been lucky in that people dying isn't really something I've had to deal with much. There's lots of loss but not death. This big strong powerful person turned into a tiny fragile weak one in front of us and it's hard to watch.

I'm stuck under the lemon tree still but can feel myself starting to prepare to get up and ready for the kids to come home from school. Tomorrow I am taking them in to the hospital. I'll have to have what's probably going to be a hard conversation with them soon, but I haven't worked out how to do that yet. I don't want them to hurt.

I tried to speak to my MH worker (the new one that I am yet to establish really any kind of rapport with) when she called yesterday. I probably sounded shaky but I wasn't crying. I also don't think I said anything that would indicate I was a risk to myself as I am not in anyway, and am probably more stable in that way than I've been for a long time. She didn't seem to listen at all, instead jumping straight in to asking whether I could keep myself safe which felt yuck. She then asked if I'd tried any mindfulness apps. I don't know if my response of totally shutting down and ending the call quickly after that was completely justified, but I really don't understand how 'have you tried any mindfulness apps?' is a helpful response to a conversation that effectively said that I was feeling sad and overwhelmed by the thought of someone close and important dying 😑 I can't keep many appointments at the moment because things are all over the place which means I am a bit down in professional support. I know I should try harder to stick with appointments, but I'm also trying to be there as much as I can for the other people who are struggling as well. I could have really used a supportive listening ear yesterday.

Sorry. Today is a very ugh kind of one.

I'm going to hit post, telling myself it is healthy venting and that people here understand how that can be helpful, and I'm going to try not to second guess myself. Then I'm going to get up and pick up the kids. I think it's a pancakes-for-dinner kind of night (something about spending an entire day doing nothing but sitting under a lemon tree might have done that 😏).

I really hope your day is going OK. I want to ask about it and hear how you are going, but I don't want you to feel like you need to reply anymore than you've already done in such a helpful way lately. Again, biggest thanks for your listening eyes and support xx