I wrote this poem to celebrate a spiritual moment of epiphany that I had back in the early 1990s. Way before I knew that I was bipolar, way before I knew I suffered from depression, and way before I knew anything at all about Mindfulness or being present in the Now moment, I experienced something one particular morning as I was getting ready to head to my day's university lectures.
I was stressed and overworked. University wasn't easy for me - my memory is not too good (another symptom of bipolar, as I was to learn many years later), and so I had to work extra hard to pass the exams. As I now know, I had fallen into depression, and was really struggling to find a reason to go on.
There I sat, one winter morning in my garden, overthinking, worrying, stressing, dissociating. I was anywhere but in the present moment. And then a rainbow flicker caught my eye. It was the morning dew caught on a spider's web, glittering in the light of the sun.
The breathtaking beauty of this simple thing broke the spell I was under, drew me instantly into a profound experience of Mindfulness, and successfully stopped my advancing depression in its tracks. It was a very spiritual moment for me, and it has stayed with me for 25 years as one of those magical life moments.
It took me 22 years after the event to finally be able to process and write this poem about that moment. I hope you like it.
Eight Legs, Silk, Water and Light
I woke this morning, full of dread,
My inner demons, playing with my head,
They ripped at me, their talons cruel,
I considered hiding, a poor scared fool.
But something stopped me from playing dead,
And I rose from the comfort of my bed,
Dressed and ate my morning gruel,
Then entered my garden’s morning cool.
I sat on a rock, waiting for who knows what,
Not really caring for life one jot,
And as I waited, lo and behold,
Something caught my eye, and it was gold.
The sun was shining, not yet hot,
I focused on this thing, within eyeshot,
I watched transfixed, this thing unfold,
This natural wonder, both subtle and bold.
The light was shining oh so bright,
And the angle there was just so right,
I caught my breath, and stared in wonder,
It stopped my world from tearing asunder.
A spider’s web, so fragile and light,
Studiously built the previous night,
And here was I, in my morning blunder,
Trying to stop myself from going under.
The morning dew, wet and pendulous,
Hung from silky strands, fey and fabulous
The morning light, full of promise,
Caught my eye with visual bliss.
The spider caught me with its stimulus,
I stopped for a moment, feeling tremulous,
Nature, I realised, is oh so flawless,
And I gathered strength from seeming weakness.
Eight legs, silk, water and light,
Who’d have thought it would end my night?
Such simple parts that make a whole,
Warmth for my heart, salve for my soul.
