Thankyou @Reader for your kind words.
That is great advice thankyou @Kiera80. Walking on eggshells is no way to live and it takes enormous courage and commitment to set and keep limits with our loved ones. With our professional support network, my daughter and I have managed meltdowns last night and today that used to result in ED trips, police and relationship damage between us. Now that she knows that any threats of harm to anybody, including herself, breaking property etc. are not behaviours I can live with and action to move her to extended family care or worse will be taken (I had to follow through a couple of weeks ago and she got the fright of her life when told she was not being discharged to me), she is finally feeling the feelings that she has been avoiding with rages and threats for years. So she has the choice of down regulating with me using breathing, mindfulness etc., or we enact the safety plan which involves, moving her to a previously agreed close by grandparent for a few hours for her to regain her composure, or calling the ambulance. These measures have been and will be taken every single time until she develops a sense of safety and security in the process. Its really hard to see my baby girl crying so hysterically she is nearly passing out, and to remain regulated myself, but now that we have managed it twice, recovery is well on its way.
Last night she choose to down regulate with me and then today she chose to get out of her environment and go spend some time with the grandparent. This doesn't all happen quietly, smoothly and nicely though, she is screaming and crying and muttering but as long as there are no threats or harm, she gets no horrible consequences like police attendance, hospital or living with people not of her choosing.
My massage was out of this world. So much tension was released and I feel a million dollars today after finally feeling strong enough to keep my family safe in a respectful and peaceful way and being validated by our support workers and also making some other decisions around pursuing some of my own activities instead of avoiding 'out there.'
