Loss of Friendships - How do you cope?

[MissCheeky]

• How do you cope when you no longer friends with someone you love  due to poor mental health?  

[MissinTooth]

I'm not sure of the circumstances around this but...I try to use the Let Them Theory - if they choose to withdraw from a friendship then let them. Let me then decide if that's the kind of person/friendship that's worth putting my energy into fighting for. Do I want that kind of person in my life? Do I want someone who can't accept me for me as a friend?

I also try and tell myself that friendships come and go and adult friendships are hard work. Sometimes we're friends with someone for a reason and a season and then it's time to part ways and make room for new people and new connections in both of our lives. 

Not going to lie - it still hurts! And I think it's allowed to hurt. There's an element of grief involved. And the shift in mindset is harder than what it sounds. You have to work at it with constant reminders. 

I'm there with you @MissCheeky. I've lost friendships because of my mental health too.

[MJG017]

Hi @MissCheeky 

I know it's a bit different, but similar enough I think.  When I was diagnosed with cancer some friends I had just sort of disappeared.  I've talked to a lot of other men through support groups and it sadly seems to be very common.  I look at it a like like @MissinTooth described.  If they're not there for me, then I will find people who are.  And yes, it still hurts.  But i've found some people now that I can talk to, that I can just say "Hey, i'm really struggling at the moment" and they don't disappear.  It's been a big change and it's made me realise that I put up with that from people for most of my life and I see now that I shouldn't have.

I also realise that some people just don't know what to say, or think you don't want to talk about it.  So if you do love this friend and you do want them around then talk to them and tell them how you're feeling.  You can't control what they say, but you can control how you respond.  It may be that this person isn't going to much support and they may be relieved that you want to talk to them about it.  So maybe you need to find that out before deciding what to do next.  I hope this helps a little bit.

[MissCheeky]

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback.  I honestly feel I was meant to get your message thank god.  I have gone out today and purchased the book let them theory by Mel Robbins.  I find one of the best therapies for me is a good self help book, which I have not done for a reallllly long time so looking fwd to learning this theory. I mean this from the bottom of my heart thank you, as I  don't think you realise how helpful you have been to me☺️