Topic Tuesday // Caring for the women in your life (daughter, sister, partner, mother) // 22 Aug, 7pm AEST

[Shaz51]

have a good friend you can confide in --- I don`t have one @Jacques and I cant talk to my MIL and I don`t say too much to my mum or my SIL`s @Former-Member

[Determined]

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@Former-Member wrote:

Another lifeline for me is that I can see that my partner tries really hard to protect me and our daughter from his illness.  He can't always completely hide it or stop it from impacting but I can see that it's important to him to try. 

That really lifts me back up and helps me to keep on going.

Is that the case for anyone else too?

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That is somthing my darling has not had the capacity to do for a long time @Former-Member and that is hard.

Some elements of her illness I thought I had managed to minimise with the children came out in a councilling session with one of our children this week, he is more aware than I realised about her struggles and that hurts. Councillor managed the discussion verry well. She will see him alone next appointment as he keep looking at me and holding back.  Probably better for me emotionally not to be involved in discussions like that also. 

[Shaz51]

Hello @Nirgal 

[Jacques]

i don't have any friends in real life, all my freinds are on this forum. sometimes talkingto someone anonymously helps you talk about things you ordinarily would not.

i hope this forum help you too @Shaz51

[Littletink_]

Yeah I am very hard on myself @Shaz51
@Former-Member do you have any advice on how to deal with her parents and the way that they contribute to her mental illness? Her family is very dysfunctional, and I have been very mad with her dad as of late. He treats her as if she isn't even a human being he is so cold about it all saying that she would be better off the meds it's like he doesn't accept the fact she has an illness. And pressures her about getting a job and what is she doing with her life ect he doesn't understand that it takes everything for her to just survive one day and to be able to function ok

[Littletink_]

I don't have many close people I can talk to either @Shaz. Most of my friends stopped talking to me when I became sick a few years ago. Even though I am much better now my social life is not what it used to be and I don't talk to people as much. And as I spend the majority of my time with my partner it is hard. I would be happy to be your friend or talk to you @Shaz51 and @jaques 🙂

[Determined]

I can relate to that @Jacques, I have few friends in real life, I have opened up here on the forums more than anywhere else.  I have opened up to our pastor in recent times but still feel I cant say a lot of things as I feel  I am betraying my darling  by talking about her. He understands that and has reasured me he thinks no different of her but it is still hard. 

[Former-Member]

I think there is a generational bias against understanding and accepting mental illness @Littletink_. Older generations sometimes think we're just being a bit soft.  Education can help - like showing them fact sheets or videos on illnesses like the ones on our website (www.sane.org). 

Othertimes it's necessary to create boundaries that work for you.  Like only seeing them at certain times or communicating about particular topics.  Managing our families can be a huge amount of work in itself!

[Shaz51]

Ohh the forum has been wonderful to me and you my awesome friend @Jacques, you have been here for me and with me for the last 2 years

[Former-Member]

Welcome to the conversation @Nirgal.  That reaction to your wife's infidelity shows just how deeply you've become connected to the carer role.  It's a very selfless reaction.

It's really great to hear that you balanced looking after her with looking after yourself.  Marriage counselling can sometimes end up being about finding a good way to part.  But you never know, things may be salvagable.

I wish you well.