Lived Experience Forum

[Drakmar84]

I can't post what I'm experiencing and I can't post my medications. I have bipolar disorder and I'm medicated and it doesn't fix anything. I just had my post marked as spam. Why is everything on this site fighting me? Psychologists don't help, I can't relate to anything on this forum or site. I cant be the only ine in the entire country whose bipolar literally ruins their life. Cbt doesnt work for me and i know for a fact im not the only one. and i cant afford therapy to use any of the so called alternatives are not viable. I want help and I'm not even allowed to ask for it. I try to tell ppl what the doctor has me taking butni can't discuss that. Who am I meant to talk to? There is literally nobody. I have no where to go with this and I keep being told to post here. But it just gets deleted or not allowed. I'm desperate and there is no treatment and no tools for me. I need help. I can't do anything right according to the forum rules. But someone told me to post again. This is me posting again for the second time. I'm exhausted but I can't rest. I'm sitting in limbo and noone can tell me how to fix it

[Melbcoffeesnob]

Hi @Drakmar84 

I want to acknowledge your bravery in reaching out to share your story. You have been very honest in speaking openly about your negative experiences. I am so proud of you!

I can hear a lot of frustration in your words and with all your efforts in the many different ways you have sought out help. There are many users on the Sane forums struggling with mental health along with other issues, perhaps you can have a look around, and read about their stories, maybe you will find something that resonates with you. 

Is there someone in your life that you feel safe enough to reach out to if things get tough?

We are here to support you and listen, 

From,

Melbcoffeesnob

[Drakmar84]

I can't relate to any of it. Reading other ppls stories doesn't help. Nobody seems to have any idea what I'm talking about so even when I talk about it ppl don't get any of it.

I'm sick of living like this. There is mo help available. Nothing. In my experience this is the absolute truth. It's not how I feel, it's what I've been shown. I looked.

Thanks for replying but I've done everything has said I should do and Nothing has gotten better.

Again, my experience only. I am not talking g about anyone else.

[ArraDreaming]

Yeh except my posts just got deleted too for saying how I feel

[fluffylight]

Hi @ArraDreaming and @Drakmar84

Its fluffylight 🙂

I am sitting right here with you if you feel like chatting.

[Drakmar84]

Talking does not help. No matter what I say it's still all going on inside my head and it won't stop until it's good and ready. I don't know how else to say it. I don't know what I'm allowed to say. I can't deal with this and noone else knows what to do. From everything ive seen/read there's no real help with qualified ppl until I get thrown in jail or a mental hospital. I'm feeling completely hopeless and noone is gonna be able to explain things to me rationally and then I suddenly snap out if it. It doesn't work like that. I keep getting told to look in the forums. I did that for just under three hours and I'm more confused. Just because I have someone to talk to doesn't mean I'm nit alone. I'm alone no matter what because no one will get it. I've been told here noone will get it because it's my experience and not theirs. So I'm always alone. I feel like I'm on another frequency entirely and nothing I do or say makes sense to anyone hearing it, and I keep getting the same messages over and over again. I can't relate to anyone. 

[fluffylight]

Hi @Drakmar84 

I am sending many hugs your way. You don't have to go through this alone. I know that feeling of being alone even if there are people around to talk with, loneliness can sometimes still linger. It can be really hard to navigate through these feelings.

You deserve care and support. And I want you to know that we can hear how much you are holding. I have lots of hope for you, you have shown great strength in reaching out, I hope that you can see that.

I'm sorry that its been tough navigating what support looks like on the forums. We hope by reaching out you feel less alone 💛

I hope that my message sits alright with you and is received okay.

[Dimity]

Hello @Drakmar84 it sounds pretty tough for you. I'm bipolar and get some of what you're experiencing. Living with your folks sounds complicated re food preparation and storage - maybe in other areas too. You don't say if there's any room for discussion or negotiation - maybe not. But it would be really important for your diabetes management.  

I wasn't a fan of the CBT I tried either but think ACT might offer something.  

Sounds like there's a lot of anxiety there and racing thoughts. How are you sleeping? 

Hang in there @Drakmar84 there are lots of good people here. If you want to connect with other people with bipolar disorder and allies there's a thread called Let`s talk about Bipolar where you can ask questions and share what's happening for you. And you're very welcome to tag me if you want to reply - just type @ in front of my username.

Take care - 

Dimity

[Drakmar84]

Thank you

[Drakmar84]

The only food issue is that my old man has been screwing around with my food during or after cooking. I made miso soup and japanese curry. He dumped the soup in the curry and then ate some. So he took my dinner and then destroyed it. He has no idea how to cook and he doesn't buy what i cook. I cook everything from scratch, no jars. But over a dozen times he has done it. He turns the heat off whole I'm making soup or stew. He has no right and I'm sick of him ruining my dinner and wasting my food because it becomes inedible. I have told him to stop screwing with my food over and over and over and he ignores me and does it again and again and again. He's actively saying f*** you to me. Doctor says I'm low on iron. He destroys the beef curry I made specifically for the iron. This is not ok and he keeps on doing it.