Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hello all,
What is your motivation to continue to life live? After dealing with this illness my entire life and experiencing ridicule from family and society, I no longer see the point in continue to live life. I also am dealing with facial blushing. It seems like the only way to have peace is suicide. I can't work or go anywhere since I know I will be ridiculed.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Former-Member,

Welcome to Forum Land. 

I frequently struggle with strong suicidal ideation and I can very much relate to the question you pose, about what motivates me to keep living. 

This may sound a bit topsy-turvey, but one of the things that motivates me to keep living is the knowledge that I will absolutely definitely die one day. This means I can be 100% certain that whatever I'm struggling with at any point in time will not last forever. I am 40 years old. My dad died when he was 49 and my mum died when she was 69, so I don't exactly come from long-lived breeding stock. Thus I believe there is a very good chance I am more than halfway through the term of my natural life. So...even though there is a LOT of bad in my world, I choose to keep living for the tiny little bits of good.

I also have a dream of changing the world. I have been very badly hurt by a lot of people over the years - most notably within the mental health system. I dream of changing that system and other unhelpful systems. If I stay alive, I may or may not achieve this goal...but I can be 100% certain I won't achieve it if I'm dead. This is what motivates me to keep on keeping on. 

I can hear that right now you don't see any point in continuing to live life @Former-Member. Have you been feeling this way for a long time? Was there a time when you didn't feel this way? 

I hope you can feel well supported here in Forum Land @Former-Member. It is totally ok to blush here. No one will ridicule you about it - I promise. 

[MaryMahem]

Hey @Former-Member,

I have been struggling with this question for quite some time.  Atm the only reason I am still here is to see my son over the next 2 weeks (he is living in London - been there for the last 2+ years) and because I am will be trying 1 or 2 last treatments.  If they don't work, all bets are off!

It is hard to keep goingwhen you feel so low.  Is there anything else you can try in terms of treatment?  Or is there something you can do about your blushing?  Is this rosacea, flushed skin or embarrassment?  There may be a solution there that will lift your mood.

[greenpea]

Hi @Former-Member you ask what is your motivation to continue to live? That is a very complex question ... for me it is the knowledge that nothing stays the same. Life changes, people change, there is always hope. 

One thing I have learned is that you cannot change people but you can change yourself. Not everyone likes me and that is okay because I don't have to like them either (this includes family members). Sometimes we have to let go of toxic individuals regardless of whether they are family or not.

There is makeup for facial blusihing and I am sure there are medical procedures that help ... but that is just cosmetic it is what is in the inside which counts and you count.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Memberand everyone else. I am wanting to respond to this topic, but cannot right now. Just letting you know i will be coming back to it.

[Tyler01]

Hello @Former-Member
Please take care of yourself mate.
I understand it can be unbearable at times and believe me I know how it feels to be constantly misjudged and sometimes even feared by some people because of this form of OCD’s particular behaviours . It’s a struggle but please know that you are not alone.
Good luck and try not to be hard on yourself .

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

I had a very hard life for most of it up until recently. What kept me going? - the love of my husband and mine for him.

The love I have for my daughter and few friends.

The way I feel when I am in nature.

My cross stitch craft.

Finding purpose in life and making a difference in my volunteer work - helping others makes it worthwhile and makes them feel worthwhile. A win, win.

What kept me going is the hope of a better future and seeing the good in each day no matter how small.

The way I felt when soothed by rain and listening to it fall

The beauty of a garden and a sunny spring day.

The joy of listening to the music I loved.

Reading a good book.

Learning something new that interested me.

Planning small goals and pushing myself to try and fulfill them.

Not giving up

Enjoying a quiet evening watching a movie and having a laugh with others occasionally.

Moments of peace and appreciation

Enjoying the small things in each day which I missed a lot when focusing on what was missing in my life too much. I am learning to refocus.

Surrounding myself in people who respect and value me - moving away from people who didn't 

I am learning that I have value and worth too.

Learning to develop self belief

I always hold onto hope of better days.

My faith

We are here if you ever want to talk. You are not alone.

[Former-Member]

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[Former-Member]

 Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

Thank you for your response. 

Quotes: "Have you been feeling this way for a long time? Was there a time when you didn't feel this way? "
Yes. I did not feel this way always. When I was younger I told myself that one day I would get medication and problem would be resolved. I tried both therapy and several medications and issues has not been resolve. This the reason why I am feeling hopeless. I can't even do simple things like go shopping, since I know the staff will intentionally provide bad service, since they feel uncomfortable.

[Former-Member]

Hi @MaryMahem,

Quote: 

"It is hard to keep goingwhen you feel so low.  Is there anything else you can try in terms of treatment?  Or is there something you can do about your blushing?  Is this rosacea, flushed skin or embarrassment?  There may be a solution there that will lift your mood."

There is a treatment that I can try for facial blushing, however, its expensive and it will not solve my staring or swollowing OCD. The blushing is flushed skin that happens anytime I feel emotion (sadness, happyness, anger,...etc)