Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Battleweary]

My partner of 7 yrs has extreme anxiety, and depression. I also have depression which I take medication for, and practise mindfulness etc.

I am so exhausted. I do pretty much everything around the house, as well as working part time and studying part time. 

My partner has a history of substance abuse, aka self medicating. This hit crisis point with me a year ago, and has resulted in a vast improvement, although I have my doubts as to the claim of total abstinence. There is still a low level of irresponsibility relating to medication use, eg a few too many prescription relaxation medications.

Regular visits to a Gp and psychologist occur, and sporadic visits to a psychiatrist. Medication is taken, but behavioural tools and steps rarely if ever get followed through.

I am extremely close to being done with the entire situation, I am exhausted, my depression is increasing. 

I feel like the worst person possible for thinking about being done. I don't know how my partner will cope, and the reluctance to change the way she operates throughout her day means that I am not coping.

I know no one can give me an answer, I am just venting. Life is draining me.

[Emmajayne]

Hi Battleweary I am so sorry to hear you are so low. Sometimes caring really brings you down and it sounds like that's where you are right now. I am new here too, I suspect most people here feel the same. I guess we both came here to feel someone understands, I think it's ok to vent the hurt feelings and tiredness. I hope you are getting proper help for yourself too because for me it is about more than medication. If I didn't have a counsellor to speak to myself I don't think I would cope. It's an hour that is just about me for a change! Do you get any time for you?

[Magantu]

Hi Battleweary. I feel like we might be at similar points in this. My story sees me heavily considering leaving my marriage (for the third time) and sending my wife bacck to her parents as I can no longer keep my head up for our daughter. The last time we went to the doctors, again she was prescribed medication and refused to admit she needs help (Ive been in that seat at least five times in the past 8 years) and after having been assessed multiple times by various doctors (as apparebtly they all dont get it), prescribed multiple plans, medication, counsilling and responsibility for her illness has been rejected. instead blaming entirely her problems and our problems on me and fighting tooth and nail to convince me of this. She was bulimic as a teen/early to mid 20's, I wouldnt be surprised if she still relapses though (denies this to doctors though she spent a month at a clinic for help there). Since the birth of our daughter i believe she has spiralled out of control and a miscarriage early this year has tipped it over again, however will not help herself and asking to much of me in what has become a one way street. Bit of a vent there - but i feel like i cannot care anymore. Safe to say, I am relieved to read these forums and see there are others in similar situations.

[Amour_Et_Psyché]

Hi @Battleweary 🙂

First of all, Welcome to the Forums! It sounds like you are exhausted with everything that is going on at the moment, and feel at your ends wit - which is understandable. It is not easy to try and care for a loved one with mental health issues, whilst caring for yourself and your own mental health at the same time. I was just curious, what do you do to care for yourself in the midst of everything, @Battleweary? Hopefully, reaching out here on the forums will make you feel like there are people here who can support you.

There are others here on the forums who have had similar struggles with partners with mental illness, such as @Shaz51 who started a thread called "Ups and Downs of Husband's Mental Illness." There is also a thread by @Determined called "Diary of Wife's Hospital stay - holding it together for our family." Addiitonally, there are also two threads, here and here, that may be helpful for you.

Another thing I was curious about is, have you considered couple counselling? If you feel like this may be helpful, perhaps you could consult Relationships Australia or Life Works. I have listed their details, below:

Relationships Australia: Relationships Australia is a leading provider of relationship support services for individuals, families and communities.

Tel: 1300 364 277

https://www.relationships.org.au/

Life Works: Relationship, Individual and Family Counselling, Dispute Resolution Services, Relationship & Parenting Education, Intercountry Adoption Support and more.

Tel: 1300 543 396

https://lifeworks.com.au/

I hope that some of the aforementioned threads and resources are useful for you. Please continue to reach out here for support, as needed.

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

[Shaz51]

Hello @Battleweary welcome to the forum

sorry to hear you are feeling low , I have had lots of carer`s fatique over the years

what do you do to care for yourself in the midst of everything,, finding the right balance is sometimes tricky , I find if i do small self care which is helpful

what do you enjoy doing

Hello @Magantu, @Emmajayne and welcome to the forum

[Shaz51]

Carers Hints and tips to Success  is another good thread to clink on to have at @Battleweary, @Magantu, @Emmajayne 

[Battleweary]

Hello Emmajayne,

Thanks for responding, I appreciate it. I saw a psychologist for a while, but I am definitely considering looking for a better one... just the thought of that is exhausting! I do so many other things while feeling exhausted, so I guess I can't use that excuse, huh?

I am glad you have found it to be a good time of relief. Thanks again!

[Battleweary]

Hi Magantu!

We certainly are in similar positions, although I am thankful to say that my partner has no issue accepting her illness, it is putting action plans and behavioural changes into place that never seems to happen.

It would be easier if w could switch off the love, wouldn't it? Personally, the thing stopping me walking is that she is a good person, and she will be in a really bad position if I leave. But I guess *I* am in a bad position now, so URGH.

It definitely helps to have found this safe place, and as you said, to learn I am not alone...

[Battleweary]

Hi Amour! Thank you for your response, I will be checking out all the links you have suggested.

We did try relationship counselling, but it was difficult, because the counsellor did not have a lot of experience with mental health issues, and it felt like all the blame was being put on my partner without consideration for the impact her illness does have.

What do I do for me? Um.... I make sure the household doesn't fall completely apart! I know, that's not what you meant. I feel like my study is for me, as I chose to attempt a uni degree in my fourties... sometimes I write poetry when my brain works!

[Battleweary]

Hi Shaz!

I kinda thought I do stuff for me, but maybe not really... if nothing else, I am definitely not thinking about it now. Thanks!