Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Tiredmum23]

Hello, I'm a first time poster here.
My husband has schizoaffective disorder. He hasn't had psychotic symptoms for many years but now presents as anxious, depressed & aggressive.
His illness is never well controlled but has been getting worse over the last couple of months.
I'm at the end of my strength to cope with him. He depends on me for everything. I work full time because he isn't well enough to work, we have 3 children and I do all the parenting & housework. He is like a child- lies on the lounge all day watching tv and gets angry if I ask him to do anything. He blames me for his unhappiness.
The last week he has been threatening self harm, he calls me every 1/2 hour at work demanding I come home. When I get home he fluctuates between loving me so much to threatening to leave. He yells & swears at me.
I have nobody to support me & im exhausted
His parents have essentially told me that he's my responsibility now. I have no close friends because I'm always at work & then he doesn't let me go out without him on weekends (it is not worth the fight to go somewhere without him).
He refuses to see a psychologist.
His psychiatrist says he's as well as he will ever be & that this is just how he is.
Being a carer for someone like this is so exhausting & isolating. I'm just writing this in the hope that someone understands

[Appleblossom]

You have a lot of responsibilities with work, a household and 3 children. That is enough for carers burnout without having to care for him too.

I think it is important to differentiate him from the children as an adult male perhaps with a disability but still some ability for self care and contribution to the household.

It is difficult to work out spousal responsibilities.

A lot of people with mh issues manage to do productive things.  Maybe they swing and have bad days but it is not an excuse to do nothing.

[Pebbles]

Welcome to the forum @Tiredmum23 nice to have you here, I hope you can find some support amoungst this amazing community You sound extremly busy and that you are doing the very best you can with juggling many different hats within your family. 

Some threads which may be of interest to you include My two husbands, Ups and downs of husbands mental Illness or Recovering from a crisis and lost.

If you're looking for something a little more social and light hearted, then Hot Chocolate Anyone is a great place to be  

Carers Australia is available on 1800 242 636 and the SANE Help Centre on 1800 187 263 if you ever feel like you need to speak with someone. 

Self care is also something we like to talk about here, I'm wondering if you have a particuar self care tool that you implement? 

Please let me know if you have any queries, I'll try my best to answer them 

Take care,

Pebbles

[CLA]

@Tiredmum83
So comforting to read your words. I am in similar situation. My husband has Bipolar disorder type 1. Diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago. Can't say it's been under control. Think the longest time we had with things going well/normal was for about two weeks a year ago. We have two children (7&4) and as you did, I increased my work hours last year because he couldn't work. He has returned to work this year with mixed success and has had to take time off due to episodes. My husband does contribute a little around the house but not a lot. And only if He's asked. He drinks a lot more than he used to. Which is cause for many fights in the past. I just ignore it now but it still bothers me. He just tunes out and doesn't engage w us when he drinks, that's why I don't like it. Also, I don't think it's the best thing to do if you're trying to get to the best version of yourself. He has verbally abused me more times than I can remember, intimidated me, frightened me, called me incescently while at work, kicked a hole in a door, calls me a bitch in front of our children. I think I've told myself the kids were too young to understand but the last time he yelled at me my 7 year old ran straight to me and asked if I was ok because he thought I'd be crying. He knows what's going on and it's an awful situation to raise a child in. When my husband called me a bitch he stood up for me and said no she's not. That was very sweet of him but it's not a seven year olds job to do that. I'm frightened as the kids get older, this yelling will be directed at them and not me. It's cruel - I've been reduced to a shell of my former self and I really don't want that to happen to my kids. I know I don't love him anymore. I know I want to leave. I just feel so guilty about it. I know I'd be happier away from him. Like you said, when we are away from him, it's when I feel like I can breathe.
I think I don't want to be the bad guy who pulls the plug.
Sending you lots of love and understanding

[Pebbles]

Hi @CLA I was just reading over your post and wanted to stop by to say hi and let you know that I have read your post. 

Thank you for sharing that here, I'm glad that you resisgnated with what @Tiredmum23 is talking about and hopefully this is in some small way comforting to know that you are not along.

I was wondering if the thread Caring for partner with Bipolar Type 2 might be of interst to you where @Littletink_ and @Former-Member talk about their experiecnes of their partners and the mental illness they live with.  

I also noticed that when you used the @mention function, it hasn't highlighted the users name. Just in case you are unsure, when you use the @mention function, type the @ symbol and then teh members name. The computer or device should find the members name which yo can then click on and it will notify the member that they have been tagged. Hope that makes sense 🙂

Take Care,

Pebbles 🙂