My Story and where to from here.. (very personal)

[Former-Member]

@MDT

Sounds exciting to me, good luck

Love & Hugs!

Bella 

[MDT]

I feel anxious. Not sure if it is because of tutoring or the interview or next week when I leave finally.
All the stuff is hitting me.
Trying to just meditate a bit now before tutes then interview.

Perhaps all of this is catching up with me. I've been used to things being out of place for so long. Either way.. It is what it is. Mental health be like that.

I actually see my psych tomorrow so hopefully I can discuss stuff with him re travel and MH. I am actually kinda worried I'll have a panic attack while overseas. And if I do I will shut down and fall apart.

But perhaps the likelihood of that isnt all that high anyway. All my panic episodes from the past have occurred when things have been the same for too long.

[MDT]

I'm not entirely sure what I am afraid of.

I honestly think it is fear itself. Stepping way out of my comfort zone carries a risk - it might all end badly.

I have tutes in 20 mins. I really don't feel up for it at all.

I think I could pull a sickie - and actually say that I'm having an anxiety attack. However, I think that this would be in bad taste for my own health. I can't do this next year. Moments like this may well present themselves. Even if I do it badly, it doesn't matter. As long as it is done.

@Zoe7 @TAB @outlander @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @soul @Adge @Ant7 @eudemonism

[Zoe7]

I felt much the same way before going back to work yesterday @MDT - when you have been looking forward to something fo so long it can certainly all hit you at once. It wouldn't be making it any easier that you are still tutoring and don't want to do it anymore - it is tough losing motivation but still being under that pressure. 

[Zoe7]

We posted at the same time @MDT 

Fear often holds us back a lot but it is also an adventure that you are embarking on so there will be rewards in that too. Stepping out of our comfort zone can present some risks but also rewards - you got this buddy 

I'd say finish off the tutes you have tonight and then tell them you are leaving - a little notice is always a good idea.

[eudemonism]

What is tutes? @MDT

I'm afraid of lots of stuff. The things I'm afraid of, adjust themselves, to what I'm having to do. You gotta look at things within reason when it comes to fear.

[MDT]

One of them didn't show so I have a spare hour at least @Zoe7

I basically just winged it the whole time. I get the impression they don't even care about me as an employer but then I wouldn't really want them to because it isn't something I am passionate about. I can tolerate that, but I just worry if I give off a certain impression. Either way, it's not my career so I don't care.

In terms of fear... It reminds me of when I went to Melbourne. I was slightly fearful just as I arrived. But as soon as I got to my place and settled in it was okay.

All the memories of school camps flood back too. It's a bit like when I went to the training for the Fiji trip I was going to. I remember how I nervous about it.

I think the biggest difference now is that I will be doing things on my own terms. I might take a day or two to adjust to that.

There is just this deep feeling of being unsettled.

[MDT]

tutor work I do is "tutes" @eudemonism

Looking at things within reason is probably the most important part of it I think.

I guess I need to find what the things are like within reason before anything.

[MDT]

@Former-Member

Can I use forums when in another country for an extended period of time?

[Zoe7]

I think those fears are entirely natural @MDT It is a big adventure you are embarking on. Things will take a little getting used to but it is moving you towards what you want to do so that is a good thing.