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12-06-2018 01:51 AM
12-06-2018 01:51 AM
Re: How to stop pretending
Hi @BlueBay
So, you have two choices. Choices are good if you feel they are genuine choices and one or both arent obligations.
1. To tell them. This can have positive effects or can backfire. We with mi already know the disappointment of others not understanding or not wanting to. Exposing your past is to some like ....yet another chapter in the never ending mental saga in some minds. Our family and friends all have a certain capacity or limit on absorbing such tragic past events that we have experienced. It isnt their fault they are limited but we have to be mindful that it isnt easy for them to understand and have super patience.
2. To not tell them. That is ok if you have the mental strength to fight the mi battle within yourself and with your professional medical staff/psychs so as to protect your family from the hurt and endurance they need to maintain on going mi discussions. Supporting people with mi doesnt come easy for some.
The mask. We with mi often talk badly about using a mask. Yet a mask is a useful tool. It enables us to survive in our world. Without it we'd be totally ourselves and that simply doesnt work. Many people without any mi also wear masks as they want to keep their true person a secret due to, maybe trust issues. Either way @BlueBay either decision is the right one. Tell or not to tell. What is important is what you are seeking/hoping/expecting from such a decision.you'll only be disappointed if you have expectations of others reactions.
If you have a family meeting to tell your loved ones and you stipulate that you are telling them of your ordeal you have had so as to get it off your chest and you dont expect anything from them except maybe a little understanding and tolerance with moods and sadness then you'll be fine.
If you vhoose not to tell them and rely on your therapy then you are isolating your problems and thats going to shield others from it but they are going to be left in the dark.
Whatever decision you take feel ok that you have the right to make the choice. Neither choice is "wrong".
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12-06-2018 06:05 AM
12-06-2018 06:05 AM
Re: How to stop pretending
Thankyou @Whiteknight
for your reply. I still don't know what to do. I need to think about this a bit more. Maybe I will talk about it eith my psychologist as well.
I appreciate your comments.
BB
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12-06-2018 06:08 AM
12-06-2018 06:08 AM
Re: How to stop pretending
You're right @utopia it does take time. I will talk to my psychologist. So far she has been very good in what she does. And like @Whiteknight said there is no wrong choice.
BB xx
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14-06-2018 03:48 PM
14-06-2018 03:48 PM
Re: How to stop pretending
@BlueBay I have read through your thread, and though I have nothing helpful I can add, I want to let you know I'm listening and hurting with you. If you can, move slowly. 💞💞
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14-06-2018 04:41 PM
14-06-2018 04:41 PM
Re: How to stop pretending
Thankyou so much @Maggie
❤️BB xxoo
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14-06-2018 05:01 PM
14-06-2018 05:01 PM
Re: How to stop pretending
Its hard @BlueBay
I dont see it as a yes or no situation ... or tell or dont tell
We have both shared about issues with child trauma and mothers who cannot cope with it and add fuel to the fire of our suffereing ... and reject us ...
I guess feeling like you are pretending is different to have a strong face but not pretending ... if you know what I mean ...
I would allow little bits out in a way that YOU feel good about your management of yourself .. ie .. that you are not being false to yourself ...
,,, it is also up to family if they pick up cues ...
Take Care Bella
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14-06-2018 05:28 PM
14-06-2018 05:28 PM
Re: How to stop pretending
Thankyou @Appleblossom
It's a tough one but I think s little bit at a time is good. I think things are changing towards hubby.
@Maggie@Whiteknight@utopia@Dearprudence9
I have a feeling that hubby knows a bit more recently. He has been asking me weekly how my sessions have been. And I've told him the truth how hard they are and how upset I've been.
Msybe now he will start to understand a bit more.
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14-06-2018 05:49 PM
14-06-2018 05:49 PM
Re: How to stop pretending
I hope so @BlueBay. It would be good to have your man by your side.💜💕
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14-06-2018 07:01 PM
14-06-2018 07:01 PM
Re: How to stop pretending
@BlueBay. It's good your hubby is asking how the sessions are going. Does he know any of the past traumas?
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14-06-2018 07:09 PM
14-06-2018 07:09 PM
Re: How to stop pretending
Yeah he does know about all the childhood sbuse and who they were. But not all the explicit stuff that went on. I can't tell him. It's too hard.
He doesn't know I've stopped my meds at times or thst I'm not eating properly. Though at the moment I'm eating.