A long rave

[eth]

@Mazarita I think that once we're truly in a safe space we can bring up what's masked to survive.  And I'm hopeful that the outcome will be beginning to thrive, not just survive.  To respond rather than react to difficult situations.  I've gone from freeze to flight but would like to find a bit of the fight response again.  I don't mean physically fight, but mentally/emotionally push back at the circumstances that trigger me.  Not lose myself in reaction.  Hope this makes sense.

Of course, in an ideal world, none of those f words would be necessary, but, as I've learned a few times over the last few months, crap can happen anywhere at any time.  I want to be able to choose my response, not react instantly.  Well over most of my life really, but examples of witnessed events recently come to mind as I write. e.g. vicious  fight in the veggie section at Coles the first (and last) time I went in there alone.  Just got auto editted for using a word about that fight!

[Mazarita]

Yes, it makes sense, @eth. Choosing our reactions is something desirable under many circumstances really. I guess I basically accept that, with bipolar, I need to minimise stress as much as possible, to minimise those triggering times. But anything that can help build resilience seems worthwhile too. As you say, there are stresses beyond our control.

[eth]

@Mazarita above post edited.

[Mazarita]

Yes, noticed you had edited after I'd posted, @eth. Damn autocorrect! Hyphens help with that sometimes. 

[Mazarita]

@eth I'm heading back to bed now. Catch you later today, hopefully. ox

[eth]

I did edit it to add something @Mazarita but a word in what I added was moderated, not auto-corrected.  I'm on the laptop and it doesn't autocorrect.

If I want to operate independently in the world again, and I really do, I simply must get over a lot of the things that bring up cPTSD reactions.  The psychologist I see can't start the EMDR I was referred to her for until my meds stabilize.  So frustrating.  I've only one session left on the MHCP and after that will have no medicare rebate again until next year.  I've decided to just pay for the sessions and keep going anyway coz even the talks we have so far are really helpful.  She has said she'll put her price down, but I don't know how much.  She's worth it anyway and I do have a little savings from the last few years in Darwin.  Even on a pension, I was doing so little that it was possible to save.

She is trying to get registered as a therapist with Victims of Crime so she can continue to work with me for free.  She also registered as a provider with NDIS.  

NDIS developments lately sent me downwards Friday and I haven't spoken about it.  There is still a slim hope I'll get through and the rest is another story

[Mazarita]

Oh @eth, I'll post again before sleeping... so sorry to hear you have had discouraging news with the NDIS. I'm keeping fingers crossed the slim hope is what comes to fruition. Will be able to listen and response to you more about this when we next chat, I hope. Hugs. 

[eth]

Nite nite @Mazarita

[Former-Member]

Good Morning my magical friend Mazy I hope you have fun and excitement today @Mazarita

[Mazarita]

Lovely to see you this morning, Niqua. Bit of a challenging day here with two medical appointments (dental in morn, surgeon in arvo). Nasty examination as part of surgeon visit. Not looking forward to it but glad I'm up and around today and not (yet!) contemplating cancelling out of fear. Hope there are some bright rays of inner sunshine hitting your inner ground today. Streaming love to you. 

@Former-Member