Battles

[Dreamy]

@AlwaysMyself sorry for the delayed reply, I was getting myself into bed, although I've spent most of the day in bed.

I completely understand and it's very much the same for me in that there's no solutions to my problems but it's nice to just have someone listen and to be able to get things out. 

Oh this I relate to so much, it's like if i open that can of worms so to speak then I'm left alone to sit with the feelings and emotions and that's tough. 

Yes i get this, the thoughts that go on in our heads sometimes are hard to share and even more so to do in a way that is safe for the community here. It's often why i step back at times cos I just don't feel i can post safely or with that recovery focus in mind even though I desperately don't want to be alone in those moments. You did so well for sharing your thoughts and feelings and I'm so proud of you for doing so ❤️.

My previous account that I had here had to be closed down cos of a breach of safety, even now I know what I post is being watched and I don't like it. But at the same time this community means too much to me to lose it again. 

Speaking of your dogs how are they going tonight? 

[AlwaysMyself]

You can always take as long as you want to respond @Dreamy 😊. I promise to never interpret it as a negative sign - unless you have stated that you will stop posting because you're upset with me lol 😂🤣. But then I'd leave you alone if that were the case anyway. *hugs* (I say this without anxiety, just with assuredness to you that I am not worried if you take time out and don't respond).

I imagine it would be horrible knowing that someone might be looking for you with ill intent. 😢. You are brave for recreating yourself after the incident. You are courageous. 😍

I am glad to say my dogs have been very well behaved tonight - I haven't heard a peep out of them since dinner time. 😊 They do generally sleep most of the time - which is why we chose Borzoi, due to their shared-nature with greyhounds. Oph, it's gotten so dark in the room that I can't even see where the dogs are 😅 I should probably put a light on or migrate to my bedroom also.

If/when you go to sleep I hope you have a good quality sleep, no nightmares, not too hot, and a snuggly dog to keep you calm and company. 😍

[Dreamy]

Hello @AuntGlow, how are you going sweet? 

It was really tough and it sucks that other than listening to me she can't really do anything to support me. I have a doctors appointment on the 23rd and that's to do a mental health care plan and a referral, even that feels so far away and I sit and think how I'm supposed to make it until then. There was things I wanted to say to her but it's things that I'm very much scared to be judged for cos I know it's not right or normal. 

All those things sound ok (and i do try to do them) but it's moments when everything hits hard and gets overwhelming that i forget about it all. My mind goes blank and into the dark thoughts and it consumes me.

Not sure if this needs a trigger warning.

I have been trying so hard to work on a safety plan but everytime I try the voices take over and tell me i don't need it cos they don't want me safe and that I won't be here much longer. (I'm safe for the moment). But this is what I'm constantly fighting against and I don't know how to challenge it or manage it cos it's all still new to me. 

[Dreamy]

@AlwaysMyself ugh a heap of notifications and i missed this one 😂. If I'm going to take time out I usually try to let people know. I'm not one to get upset easily, it's more that I get overwhelmed with long posts and then struggle to reply. My brain struggles to comprehend things so replying to a long post requires me to scroll up and down a million times 😂. 

It is horrible but I can't control what they do. I wasn't going to come back to the forums initially but honestly I need this space and I also love being able to support others here. 

Awww they sound like such good puppers ❤️. Casper had fun doing zoomies earlier today and it made me laugh, he's such a goofy boy but he loves nothing more than to snuggle with me. Haha try having a black dog in the dark, all you can see is the glowing eyes occasionally 😂. Hence the name Casper cos in the dark he's like a ghost, invisible 😂.

Hoping it's a good night's sleep once I can get to sleep but that won't be for a while yet. Hope you can get a good night's rest also ☺️

[Dreamy]

Morning @NightFury my sweet, checking in with you today ❤️

[NightFury]

It's my last day teaching today. Mixed big feelings. @Dreamy 

[Dreamy]

@NightFury oh sweet, i can understand that. I hope the day goes ok for you. 

I'm here for you if you want/need to chat. Sending you hugs ❤️

[NightFury]

How's the day treating you so far, my friend? @Dreamy 

[NightFury]

Hugs @Dreamy sorry to hear that you're having a rough day.