Not coping

[Gibby69]

Hello. 

I have 2 teenage daughters with mental health challenges. 

My 15 yr old is currently in hospital with FND, and in the psych care ward. She has Aspergers, anxiety, and now FND. She is currently in a wheelchair. 

My 19 year old daughter is also Aspergers with high anxiety. She’s had a tough 18 months with an abusive relationship, attempted suicide and self harm. 

Whenever she (19 yr) gets anxious or has a panic attack, I’m the one who cops it. This morning I drove her to a job at 5am (2 hour drive). Then when she had a panic attack and security wouldn’t let me back into the backstage area, she lost it. She has called me every name in the book, blamed me for everything, called me a liar, threatened to self harm (which she did) and has done her best to belittle me and make me feel guilty. I’m stuck here until the end of the job, 7pm. 

She is usually remorseful after these episodes but i have to wait it out. 

Im so tired! I’ve been staying at hospital with the 15 yr old (2 hours away from home) for a week and will need to go back tonight for another 2 weeks. 

When does it get better?!?!?

Any strategies would be helpful. 

Thanks for reading me rant. 

[Ali11]

Welcome to the forum @Gibby69 and thank you for sharing your story with us. We're sorry to hear about your youngest in hospital and hope that it isn't a long stay. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate so we can see how tired you must be. As a carer it's very easy to forget your needs, putting others ahead of yourself. We actually had a good thread on here about burnout which may help you.

One of the biggest tips is that you should think of yourself as a battery, and when you are doing things for others it depletes your battery, but when you do something for yourself (self-care - whether it's talking to your own therapist or psychologist, having time to do a hobby or enjoying just some time to yourself) it refills your battery. When your battery is full, you will find yourself more physically and mentally able to help others. 

When you are in hospital with your youngest daughter, how does your eldest get to work?

[Sheila]

Hi @Gibby69 ,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know how hard it is with Asperger's and mental health. I can relate to the meltdowns and then the remorse afterwards.

And neurotypical people dont get it. I hope you get a break to do something for yourself soon. 

[Gibby69]

Thank you for your support. It’s been a very tough week. I just wish my oldest would accept professional help. 

[Gibby69]

Thanks for your reply. It’s been a crazy week. My oldest daughter has her own car and is independent when she is feeling ok. However, when things go down hill she is irrational and cannot help herself. She wants me to fix everything and at the same time doesn’t want my help. It’s exhausting. 

Its been a long week with my youngest in hospital, seizures, difficulties with motor control, depression, gender confusion. 

Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and run away. I’ve tried to get some time to myself when my youngest has been in physio. 

Home tonight for one night, then back to Westmead. 

Of course, the oldest has had a meltdown tonight and self harmed. She’s calm now and says she’s safe at a friends. I just feel like I never should have had kids! 

[Sheila]

Oh @Gibby69 , i am so sorry.

It is so difficult isn't it. 

I wish I had some wise advice for you. 

All I can say is  hang in there. 

thinking of you. 

[Gibby69]

Thank you

[Ali11]

So sorry to hear that you've had a tough week @Gibby69 and we can sense how exhausted you must be. Have you had a chance to call the SANE helpline? The number is 1800 18 7263 and you can talk to a mental health professional weekdays between 10 am - 10 pm AEST. 

[Shaz51]

Ohhhhhh @Gibby69 , @Sheila  how are you this week my friends , we are here for you xoxo

Hello @Ali11 

[Sheila]

Hi @Shaz51  and @Gibby69 , 

I am ok atm. 

Thinking of you @Gibby69