Managing your feelings when caring for someone else

[outlander]

Following on from the Topic Tuesday // Caring about, not caring for // Tues 20 Aug, 7pm AEDT  discussion, we thought it would be a good idea to have a space for carers to discuss the challanges they face with managing your feelings and share the ways you cope.  We know that being in a caring role can be quite tough, sometimes one that causes us to put aside our own feelings for the sake of those we care for. Here is a safe place for us to further chat more about how to manage these feelings when caring for someone else. 

@Shaz51 @Former-Member @Determined @Georgie_Girl @Kelly69 @Louis41 @Faith-and-Hope @Mum-meh @Mrsjones @Smc @Sophie1 @Former-Member 

please tag others who may be interested as well. 

[Mum-meh]

Thanks so much - think this is a great space 🙂

I’m struggling this week with feeling overwhelmed by my own response to well-meaning and super kind people telling me to “look after myself otherwise I’m no use to my daughter”... I absolutely understand that this comes from a pace of love, but I’m currently running from place to place from the second I wake until I fall into bed, and I feel even more guilty. (I should say I’m in counselling, and I do mindfulness app etc etc, but I find that sometimes I feel resentful of even these supposed nice or essential things because they’re just something else I have to fit into my day...!) I know I sound extremely ungrateful, ad I do know how lucky I am to have friends who care 🙂

[Shaz51]

@Darcy @Determined @Georgie_Girl @Kelly69 @Louis41 @Faith-and-Hope @Mum-meh @Mrsjones @Smc @Sophie1 @Sherry 

hello and hugs @Mum-meh 

[Former-Member]

@Mum-meh 

I know they are being kind but when people say things like:

“look after yourself otherwise you are no use to the person you care for " often causes me to feel that my worth is of lesser value, that the needs of the person I care for outweighs any needs I have myself.

To thrive I believe that we must both give and receive, it is a law of nature that every living thing does this. As caregivers, we so often give and neglect the receiving and the things that give us joy take a low priority.

There are quite a few social discussions on the forum, gardening, art, photography, dogs, cats etc.  These bring moments of joy and encourage us to engage in activities we enjoy.

There are other discussions on things like decluttering, healthy eating etc. where we encourage each other to take control of things we can so that we live better. 

Feel free to join in any of these. 😀

[outlander]

hi @Mum-meh I don't think you sound ungrateful. being super busy can be hard work and guilt along with resentment is a very common emotion to have to manage as a carer.

Do others experience guilt, resentment or overwhelmed? how do you manage these emotions?

[Sophie1]

Hi @outlander @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Mum-meh  I used to struggle a lot with being the finacial bread winner in the relationship and having to get up every day to go to my job when MsS could just stay in bed ... the resentment brewed for many years until it collided with being overwhelmed with work conflicts then ended in me being totally burnt out and unable to cope - I had a couple of weeks of sick leave and took the time to see my psychologist and psychiatrist to get my head sorted and go back on some anti anxiety meds I had been on in the past ... since then I realised that work was a choice I made and actually I usually enjoy it and that my conflicts would pass ... also I realised I had to implement some ‘me time’ and ‘me rewards’ to balance out the constant giving ... for me that meant swimming once a week which I love and starting cello lessons ... so there you have it - still testing my plan of meds, swimming and cello ... so far so good lol ... I’ll let you know !!

[Appleblossom]

@Sophie1 

Seems so balanced.

Love your taking up the cello ... such a deep grounded sound..lol

[outlander]

How is everyone managing? have you found any helpful ways to manage your emotions?