Lived Experience Forum

[HenryD]

This years been a hard one. I finally started the Tafe course i had been working towards for years, working in the mental health sector like i always wanted. Then everything got all messy.

I've been struggling for awhile about a few incidnets and decisions over the past few years, but it's all been relatively manageable this whole time. Until about 6 or 7 months ago when i got really down and low. I started harming myself and experiencing suicidal thoughts. I fell behind in Tafe work and am way behind in where i should be in getting my P's. I felt like a complete failure.

About 2-3 months  after i started experiencing these thoughts I was in class at Tafe when i just felt as though if i didn't get help soon i wans't going to be able to keep going. I picked upand walked to the nearest hospital where i told them i wanted to end my life.

My parents were called as i still live with them and gave permission for them to be involved. I assumed that having my parents know everything might get a little better.

My parents came and in discussions about what was going on i opened up to them about what ive been struggling with for the past few years. I told them about the situations i had been put in which amounted in me experiencing a trancelike state similar to depersonalisation (without a diagnosis i wont say it was that but it had the same basic symptoms). 

Eventually we got home and talked more about everything. My parents decided to pull me put of my Tafe course, which i agreed to at the time, and told me that i am not going to see a therapist or talk to anyone about what was going on. Essentially i should just ignore the feelings and move on, which seeing as i lived with them and relied on them without a licence i had no choice about.

Things got worse for awhile after that, i hurt myself alot more. Then for awhile things seemed to be getting better.

Eventually around 2 weeks ago i ran into someone i used to know which brought back alot of bad memories and new realisations about what had happened arpund 2 years ago. I fell apart again and have been steadily declining since then. I don't particularly know where to go from here. If i bring it up to my parents again or find another way to get help. I just don't know anymore

[wellwellwellnez]

I like that you're appraising your situation. No-one does it alone. The people who say you do, aren't honoring the support they receive. You're worth it as well. You're trying to do good things. Good people doing doing good things get help. I won't hear otherwise. Not interested in the past only in learning from history.

If you think there's a chance you can at least part of the support from your parents, I say teach them to be a part of the solution. Maybe, try to frame it in a "life-hacking" terms. People have complex identity values but everyone wants to get more wins. There is a "path of least resistance" to be found. Don't work smarter. Work "heart-er". I think they're trying to help. They just need to understand what works. You can do it. It'll be good practice for in the field.

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @HenryD 

I am doing tafe as well.. and yes it can get tough when you get behind. I was 3 subjects behind recently and have been working hard to catch up after I had a crisis in confidence.   Can you tell me more about the expectations you have around passing tafe?  Is there a reason that being behind is a problem?