@Fluttershy1
Hello Candydipper1
That feeling of being overwhelmed is difficult to deal with. Often times I have found that feeling anxious and overwhelmed does not necessarily have an identifiable reason for its existence. Often, it probably develops from a number of issues in our life, and seems to be triggered by one of those events. Consequently, it is hard to pin down, separate and deal with.
From what you have written, it appears that the foundation or basis of the feelings is disappointment with not hearing from your dad and other family members. This, I refer to, for the purpose of discussion, as a chronic issue which has probably built up over a fairly long time. By the sounds of it you have struggled to try to maintain contact with your dad and other family members. This type of situation can have a long term wearing down effect. I have experienced much the same issues with my family as you have with yours.
Then, what I might call an acute problem, for the purpose of discussion, comes along and triggers other physical and psychological health issues.
You say that you are
“Constantly fighting voices because I'm distressed”.
Is this because of a diagnosed mental health issue, or is it your 'self talk'? A number of people on the forum, including me, experience this 'self talk' as a form of internalised continuation of the judgemental and critical feedback given by others, often those close to us, over a period of time, even from childhood.
The 'acute' issue seems to me to be the heart surgery in just under two weeks time. I can certainly understand the feeling of anxiety that is evoked from the prospect of heart surgery. My experience might be considered less fearful and not so unsettling. I have had three 'fusion & laminectomy' operations in the last twenty years. While the back operation gives rise to less concern and fear, it is still sobering to think that I am relying on the operation to allow me to continue to remain independently mobile. Even though the operations have been successful with regard to mobility, I still have high levels of pain to deal with and limited sensation in my feet. I could have more pain medication but it could mean I may have to relinquish my driver's licence, which I don't want to do.
The operations, all involve a certain element of risk, as you have, no doubt, been informed. Prior to the operations I would visualise consciously handing over my body to the surgeon. We basically do the same thing, although not so deliberately, when we use a taxi, bus or aeroplane. Each of those activities probably carries a higher statistical risk rating than most operations. Yet we hardly give them a second thought.
By this 'handing over process', we can consider ourselves being part of the process, and in so doing, take an active role and exercise some control in the operation, at least until the anaesthetist commences their part. After that there is some intensive care for commencement of recovery.
It was actually a surprise to me, waking from the anaesthetic and feeling relatively normal, apart from understandably sluggish thinking. The next surprise was to do with how quick the recovery process was. After all this is the awakening of a newly found admiration for all the people who have been part of that process. And that was the way that I dealt with my fear and anxiety, before and after the operation.
I hope that these details will help you in both the short and longer term
With My Best Wishes
HenryX
