Lived Experience Forum

[Rita12]

Hi, does anyone else with a diagnosis of schizophrenia not hear voices - I was diagnosed 4 years ago as I had severe phychosis for which I'd been hospitalised for 4 months.

My symptoms are over thinking ( which I was NOT aware of until I was told that I rapidly shift from one topic to another).

I suffer from incredible lethargy, am 56 years old and am on dsp which I feel really guilty about. I volunteer 24 hours a week, do activities in my church and try my utmost best to stay in a friendship with a person as I really just feel like staying alone, although it's detrimental and I find things piling up in the house, kitchen etc if I don't get my friend to visit.

I worked non stop for 30 years and my career stopped after the death of my beloved parents 9months apart and I became psychotic - I thought my phone and computer was bugged and that the police were following me. I called them over several times and then I got handcuffed and taken away and lost my medical career as a result, as I was sanctioned under the mental health act.

I was very thorough and very diligent and very dedicated to my work but could Never socialise and just stayed home after a divorce when I was 31- so stayed alone for 25 yeras without having any kids.

I have always just slept and slept and did my CPD points for my continuing educations and did my work but that was it - my living area was shambles. 

I have zero interest in anything as life events, going through a divorce, losing my husband that i had loved, no children, fibroids, death of my parents close together and then having work place issues with redundancy and having to do locum work, cracked me up.

Is this schizophrenia as I don't hear voices. The only thing is I wake up and I can't seem to function - I'll change the day of my volunteering with my boss - then I will sleep till 5pm and then wake up when the sun is going down. Then I shower and do a few little things and then sleep. All I do is sleep.

Is this schizophrenia. Please help as I DON'T HEAR ANY VOICES. People don't believe me when i tell them as they say how could you have worked 30 years. I did try to end my life when I was younger 4 times in stressful situations, but I DO NOT condone that at all - I just know my young self did not know how to cope.

Please anyone - are there any high functioning schizophrenics there ? Do you feel guilty to the point of dying about dsp even though you work hard and not buy stuff for yourself and give to charity. I am trying to study as others have told me - so trying to learn a new course rather than one I'd been in as I I am concerned if I am schizophrenic I could make a mistake.

So doing this course now at this time in my life is a challenge. My spirituality and youtube sermons is what I rely on daily for motivation.

Please read and share your thoughts.

Rita. diagnosed at 52years, now 56.

[Jynx]

Hi @Rita12 and welcome to the forums. Thanks for sharing some of your story with us, it sounds like you've really been through a lot.

I can hear that you're really unsure about being diagnosed with schizophrenia, considering the lack of auditory hallucinations. We have a Fact Sheet about schizophrenia which you might like to have a read through. There are a number of different subtypes of schizophrenia, which can present with different clusters of symptoms - and hearing voices is only one symptom of many. From the fact sheet, here are the main ones: 

• Delusions: false beliefs that can’t be changed, even by evidence.
• Hallucinations: hearing voices, or seeing or sensing things that aren’t there.
• Disorganised thinking: unusual or disrupted thoughts and speech.
• Disorganised behaviour: unusual, inappropriate or extreme actions.
• ‘Negative symptoms’: such as low motivation, fewer expressed emotions, feeling less pleasure in everyday life, or difficulties with attention or memory.

Do any of these resonate with you? It could be something worth talking a bit more deeply with a psychologist or psychiatrist - having understanding of oneself and one's diagnosis can really help us to make informed decisions and ensure we are getting adequate care. 

I can completely understand your sense of guilt about getting DSP support payments. Going from a career in medicine into a volunteering role is a HUGE change. We also live in a society where we are constantly bombarded with the message that if we don't work, we're a failure - but it is just not true. We all have differing needs and some of us need to have a life free from the pressures of full-time work. The fact that you're volunteering demonstrates how much care and compassion you have, and that you still want to make a difference for the world. You deserve to have that recognised, and also deserve to be able to live a comfortable life free from being pressured to compromise your mental health in order to earn money. If you find work that you're passionate about and want to strive towards, that is awesome and I wish you the best in that journey! But you're also allowed to take your time to get there, and to spend whatever time you need to focus on your mental wellbeing and day-to-day functioning. 

Feel free to explore the community, search up other threads about schizophrenia, join into other threads to chat with other members, all of it! And we have some tips & tricks for newbies here, which may also be helpful! I'm glad you found this community, and I hope it provides you with what you're seeking 😊