Lived Experience Forum

[creative_writer]

@Snowie sometimes I do find I have to force myself to eat. My MH and migraines get impacted if I don’t. Sometimes I may feel heavy from migraines, nothing feels appetising. It is still important to look after yourself, even if it means having something light.

Not as productive as I hoped, didn’t get as many words as I hoped written. I am particular with making sure I wash my bed sheets often enough, I have allergies. I feel good washing clothes, I don’t even know why.

I have had times where I wanted to do things which I shouldn’t. It helps to think of other alternative ways you might get that relief, e.g., holding ice. There are always helplines if you need them

[Snowie]

I try and at least keep up my fluids @creative_writer if I don't have an appetite.

You still got some done hon which is better then nothing. Yes we could always do more but sometimes we need to acknowledge what we have achieved.

I love the feeling of fresh sheets, especially when you crawl into bed at night. They feel so comfortable and soothing.

You can come to my house and do the washing if you want. With two teenagers it doesn't seem to end!! I wash every day just to keep up with it.

I have been using some lines lately. I think I just get to the stage where I just want to numb myself, to not feel or think. They are just too loud at times.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie keeping up fluids is really important. I naturally have a really dry mouth too, so needs lots of water. But water itself isn’t usually enough.

I’ve been so exhausted lately, so everything feels harder and my period was weird this month. Don’t usually get them for 9 days, a week is more typical. Maybe the stress has created havoc on my hormones.

Clean sheets are really soothing. I just air dry mine, and have my sheets on rotate. I would be happy to do your washing and spreading if you do that. I’ve never used a dryer before.

I’ve had moments where I wanted to numb the pain by self-destructive means. I also saw my uncle use not so healthy ways of coping to deal with his bipolar so I was like why can’t I? The thing is it may give immediate relief but there are risks involved. Have you brainstormed with any of your supports how you can cope with the urges? One of the therapists I saw in the past suggested some alternative sensory strategies?

[Snowie]

It's hard when exhaustion hits @creative_writer I think our hormones can play up so much, especially with the meds we are on.

I always use my dryer. Don't think I could survive without it, especially in the winter time. In the summer I don't really use it.

I have a list of things I can do to cope with my urges. I try and use them as much as I can. They do help at times and have saved me a number of times. It is when I dissociate or when my thoughts escalate that I have the issues. It is also my mindset at times, especially if I am ashamed of myself.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie even after I finished I randomly started spotting. I don’t know what’s with my body this month. I’ve heard meds can affect hormones, I had one of mine increased earlier this year.

It’s good to hear that you have a list. I totally get you with things escalating. I had times when I would SH even though I was meant to work through the other strategies before. I would get frustrated if the first few didn’t work and then give up. It is hard. I think a lot of it is tied to mindset. I know when I’m feeling ashamed I have a tendency to have urges about wanting to do things too that would have health consequences in the long run. Remember you are not alone, we are all here for you on the forums 🫂💖

[Snowie]

Thats frustrating @creative_writer Perhaps if it continues it is something you can get checked out by your gp. 

I think a lot of it has to do with my mindset. I know what is right and wrong, yet I get so frustrated at myself that 'wrong' seems to win. Then I sh, then I feel ashamed, then I want to sh even more and so on. Then the SI thoughts start to creep in until there seems no other way. It is sometimes like a vicious circle.

It is certainly an ongoing journey. I think sometimes I am beyond it all, that there is only one solution to everything. Thats when I get scared of myself.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I think it’s still important to recognise SH is a coping strategy. It may feel impossible to eliminate, but over time you can build other strategies to reduce how often you do it. I had stages where I used to SH a lot, I had phases where it became less frequent. Now I’ve been SH free and have been for a while. I may have had a slip up earlier in the year where I worsened an existing injury

[Snowie]

You are right, it is a coping strategy @creative_writer 

Sometimes I can control it and other times I can't. I do think that the time between SH is something that really should be acknowledge. That the longer we can go, the better. Of course we will always have slip ups, we all have those times. It is a matter of not judging yourself too harshly during these times.

That's where I know I need to improve. I put so much blame onto myself.

I'm so glad you are at a point where it is becoming less frequent for you. It really does show how much progress you have made. You should be really proud of yourself.

[Jynx]

@Snowie @creative_writer this warms me to read, the graciousness and understanding you've got for each other. Hope I'm not overstepping, just wanted to say it made me happy to read 💜

[Snowie]

Thank you @Jynx You are certainly no over stepping.

People find SH and SI such taboo topics at times. Having others that understand our mindset can help so much. Just knowing that you are not alone can help too.