I feel utterly defeated. Worthless. The fact that there is absolutely no one that can or wants to help or even simply listen proves that I am the mistake and piece of junk that I was told I was growing up. It’s all just confirmation. It all just reiterates what everyone else has said. I cried myself to sleep last night. And I’ve hid in bed all day today so people don’t see the tears that continue to fall. There’s no going back anymore. I can’t undo all the damage that has been done. What’s done is done. I can’t tell anyone. Can’t say the words. Even if I was able to say or write the words down what good will it do? It’s all my fault. People warns me years ago about it but I didn’t stop. I kept going. It’s too hard to stop. And no one has ever even began to provide any support to help me quit. But I can’t blame anyone else, it’s all my fault. I have to take responsibility. I am to blame and nothing can change that. I can’t live like this though. I can go on with this happening. It’s not a life it’s not living.
