Lived Experience Forum

[ENKELI]

Hi everyone,

Today I saw my former best friend who ghosted me after telling me some hurtful things about how she felt about me. It was the first time I'd seen her in probably 12 months and she looked through me as though I was invisible. Now I feel absolutely worthless and can't stop crying, feeling like I have no value.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to manage the negative thoughts I'm having? I'm not at risk of SH but I don't want to have this dark feeling anymore.

Sorry if this is not an appropriate post, I just don't have anyone to talk to as the few friends I do have don't understand depression/anxiety.

Thanks 

[Sgtbilko]

The way i see it is, as you said, she said hurtful things of how she felt about you. The key being HOW SHE FELT.  It's a reflection on her not you. You just continue to be the best you that you can and realize that having people like that in your life will only drag you down. 

[ENKELI]

@Sgtbilko thanks for your words.

My rational mind knows you're right, it just triggered my thoughts of negative self worth and the pain of being rejected by yet another person who I trusted and wondering what I did to make her feel that way.

I tell myself I'm better off without her but my mind tells me I'm a worthless loser who nobody likes. 

[Zoe7]

As @Sgtbilko stated above @ENKELI that absolutely is a reflection of her not you.

It is of course so hard to get through these feelings, especially after such a long term friendship but we never know what is going through someone else's mind. They obviously have their own issues to deal with and that has nothing to do with you. You have given what you could and this other person has treated you unkindly - so in my opinion, you are better off without them. 

You are definitely not worthless nor a loser. It is hard to feel any different but you are also mourning a friendship so it will take time. We, here, are grateful to have you with us and very much value you 😁

[ENKELI]

@Zoe7 thank you for your kind words 😍

[tyme]

Hey @ENKELI ,

I'm sorry to hear that you have these negative thoughts towards yourself. 

It must be so hard to get out of that cycle of thinking. 

I have been in a similar place, however, my thought patterns lasted years and years. It took a lot of therapy and practice to finally be able to think in a more healthy way. 

What I found is that practising more healthy thinking needs to be done when things are going well. The more you practice it, the better and more equipped you will be for when things turn sour. I used to only try to 'pull out' my strategies when things were tough - and I almost always failed because I'd never practiced using the skills!

However, over time, with weekly therapy, I can honestly say that I am in a much better place.

One thing that I always remember is that when I'm feeling low, I always flip it to think of things I'm grateful for. My therapist said that it is impossible for our minds to be down if we are honestly grateful at the same time. 

I've stuck my this and when things seem crap, I just tell myself what IS working.

[ENKELI]

@tyme I've struggled with feelings of worthlessness most of my adult life. My parents split when I was 5 and I had nothing to do with my dad until I was 12. Whenever I would call to talk to him he would tell my brother or second wife that he wasn't home so he didn't have to talk to me.

During primary school I was not invited to school friends houses for parties or during holidays because my parents were divorced. It was the late 70s and divorce wasn't as common. In fact I was the only student at primary to have only 1 parent.

So my whole life has been a series of rejections The few relationships I had ended with my partners cheating on me ( 3 out of 4 of my serious relationships) and in the past 12 months I've had my best friend shut me out (her kids were my God children, I haven't seen them since August last year)

My former manager at work told me that I wasn't considered an employee of value (her words) and another manager who disagreed with me about something told her staff not to talk to me.

With all that the common denominator is me so I'm obviously the problem. I'd just like to know how to stop my inner voice from reminding me I'm not a nice person and I deserve what happened to me, even for just a little while.

Sorry this is such a ramble, once I started I couldn't stop,

[tyme]

@ENKELI ,

That sounds so hard. I hear how much 'rejection' hurts. It also makes us more wary of potential rejections which may lend itself to further rejection.

I'm feeling the pain. Even when I recall the times I have felt rejected, the pain still stings.

Please know you are not alone.

[ENKELI]

@tyme thank you so much. I've only been on the forums for a week but I can see that I am feeling better.

I can talk to my brother and my oldest friend but they don't understand how MH can affect you. My mum tends to brush over it. She came over yesterday and was talking about a friend of hers whose partner is bipolar and my mum was saying how hard it must be to live with bipolar. I said to her "yes, your daughter is bipolar too remember." and she completely ignored me. It wasn't done with malice, she just doesn't know how to act or what to say so she glosses over it. I know she means well but it still stings when I am feeling really low.

So thank you and everyone else who has been kind enough to talk to me. This forum is a true blessing and I hope I can help someone like you all have helped me 😍

[tyme]

On the forums, sometimes it's not about having solutions, but knowing you are not alone can make it more bearable @ENKELI 

We are here for each other.