Lived Experience Forum

[Emily13]

I have been seeing a psych from a number of months related to an abusive relationship (C-PTSD) I was in which has been really difficult to process and talk about it. Just over 2 weeks ago I was given 2 days notice that I'd be birthing my baby via c section - which was extremely stressful mentally.. The lead up, the actual process of it happening and the recovery. I then had a major rupture caused by my psych this week. She has apologised profusely and wants to work through it with me... It's just been a lot. I find myself just feeling really low, not seeing much joy in anything, just trying to get by, wanting to withdraw/be alone, putting on a happy 'mask' when I need to... I grew up with a narcissistic mother so I had to deal with a lot of things on my own so that's why I tend to turn inwards. I tried connecting with a helpline yesterday but it made it worse. Hoping to connect with someone here as everything feels quite lonely and low at the moment.. 

[Tillyos]

Hi @Emily13 

I am really sorry to hear that you feel so low at the moment and its completely understanding considering what you are going trough. Hopefully your little one is doing good. 

I know how lonely it can feel and how hard it can be to see the positive in things when you hit bottom.

Please feel free to talk more about what you are going through and remember that you are not alone.

I am myself pregnant with my first and dealing with some issues at the moment that make me question everything about my life.

[Emily13]

Hi @Tillyos

Thank you so much for your reply.. Yes it's my second kid... I don't feel as much joy but care about him a lot. Pregnancy is hard, especially if you have other things going on too - you're not alone there either. 

Yeah I'm not good at opening up to others as I'm usually seen as the 'strong' one so I just sit with my thoughts and feelings on my own - which isn't easy.

I think having the rupture with the psych has set me back a bit as I have trouble trusting anyone and it has just really made me crumble - tip of the iceberg. She's encouraging me to go to my next appt but I feel terrified. I'm not good at trusting people as I was taken advantage of severely for a prolonged time by another person. She was my only safe person, so that's been very challenging. 

[Tillyos]

@Emily13 

 congratulation for your little boy. i can imagine how difficult it must be... I feel like people around me are more excited about my pregnancy than i am.

opening to others when you had to deal with a lot of things on your own is pretty hard as you probably feel like you can't really count on people i imagine. But doing it is so brave and i understand how scared you are about your next appointment but i guess seeing your psych in the past has been beneficial for you? have you been with her for a long time ?

I had my first appointment with mine last week and it was really weird to open up to a stranger about my personal life, but weirdly enough as much as the session was intense i kind of felt lighter coming out of it. 

i know its hard to see it but it seems like you have gone though a lot in your life,  remember what you have overcome, you are doing really well and also its okay to not always feel great. Healing takes time.