Lived Experience Forum

[P0larBear]

Lately I feel disconnected from everything.

I feel disconnected where I live. I live with my girlfriend and her 2 older sons. One moved in 6 months ago supposed to be only for a few months…

Everything is all about them and nothing about my health /bi polar disorder. 
I do my share of responsibilities, I have a job, do my share of chores around the house. Yet when her sons don’t there are always excuses. I don’t have any space to myself in this cramped house. I struggle with social gatherings with her large family and feel pressured to go even when my anxiety is bad.

I feel disconnected with an old friend who continues to brush me off consistently. I don’t have many friends, I prefer to have a small circle but when people in that small circle break away it feels bleak.

I feel disconnected with Christmas as this can be a very hard time with those living. I don’t want to mingle and pretend to be happy with people when I’m not.

I feel disconnected with my counsellor and psychiatrist not because they have done anything wrong but my next appointments aren’t until early February next year because of Christmas. Mental Health doesn’t discriminate Christmas, it’s with us 365 days of the year. Why are support services limited at one of the most stressful times of year?

I’ve also started not to drink and once again, don’t like gatherings atm.

So to summarise,

I feel disconnected with everything…

[hanami]

Hi @P0larBear 

Sorry to hear this. Gatherings at Christmas (and any time) can be incredibly hard for those living with with mental health issues. I have anxiety and feel it myself. 

In regards to your partner's sons, they are most likely vying for their mum's attention and your health issues just don't even come into their line of thinking. It's tough, I hear you! 

Do you have any strategies you can turn to?

I'm wondering if you can make some compromises re the gatherings - like you could ask your partner if you stay at the gathering for an hour or two, can you then leave to have some quiet time. If not that, then some other type of compromise?

Warmest wishes

Hanami

[P0larBear]

Hi @hanami 

Thanks for the kind words.

My boss sent me home this morning  , I told her I was struggling and she could see it too.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and a counsellor appointment on the phone on Wednesday.

My Partners mum had Christmas early for her family just over a week ago. I went with Mum and lasted 2 hours. Usually I drive so if I’m finding it too much I can leave early. My partners sort of gets it but sometimes she feels I let go too easy.

Also about her sons, they’re not my sons so I don’t feel comfortable telling them what to do. Especially as how I’m feeling right now. It’s hard.

One strategy I’m thinking is moving out on my own. I can stay at my Mum’s while looking for a place. But that’s even stressful just thinking about it…I’ve probably more used to living on my own than with others. I feel more at ease when solitary usually.

another strategy is trying to get out more. I had to go to hospital for a procedure 2 weeks ago and some of the prep was staying inside. My partner got covid last week and while I didn’t get it (tested negative each day) I didn’t want to see people I usually would so I felt stuck indoors.

So for the last 2 weeks I’ve been stuck at home with some people I don’t like too much and couldn’t do anything about it.

I could go to hospital but won’t after several bad experiences.

[hanami]

Hey @P0larBear 

Sounds like you could have potential options. It must be hard living with her sons,especially if they've just come to live with you as older boys and not little ones. 

I do hope you work something out that can ease your concerns and wellbeing. It's such a tough time of year for so many. 

Keep reaching out.

Hanami

[P0larBear]

Hi @hanami 

I’ve been doing a bit better the last few days. Been for a few swims at either the beach or a friends pool nearby. I generally don’t swim for long, just to get some cool down from the really hot days lately. Got most of my Christmas shopping too, I wore my noise cancelling headphones to block some of the noise/ busyness too.

As with my partners sons I think they will always be annoying to some degree while they are here. I’m just going to try and be more active, get out of my room more

so hopefully it will just be less annoying. Try to gradually build on some friendships. I have a small circle of friends which is mostly good but when you’re struggling it can be hard. People have their own stuff going on and the smaller the number of friends which are available, the less people there are to talk to.

I’m going back to work tomorrow which I’m a little anxious about but it will be good to go. I’m off work for just over a week for the Christmas break from Friday so getting some regularity to my schedule will be good before the break.

Have a Merry Christmas Hanami and thanks for your support 😀

[hanami]

Hi @P0larBear 

It's so so great that you're feeling better. You've made my day!

I think you're managing to incorporate some really positive strategies. I love the idea of shopping with noise cancelling headphones. It's really too much as far as noise, crowds, lights etc go right now!

You're probably right about your partner's sons. It sounds like it might be easier to accept that and just do your best with the situation. I mean, when my own son was staying with us a few weeks back before he headed overseas, he annoyed me to no end. So I can only imagine if it was someone else's child lol!

To be fair, I feel like my son annoys me because we are so much alike!

Anyway I'll look forward to hearing about how going back to work was. Understandable that you felt anxious about it. 

If I don't 'see' you around this week, have a wonderful break and Merry Christmas (hope it's not too painful for us all!) 

Hanami