I’ve just walked in the door and I left at 5:45 this morning so it’s been a big day. @AuntGlow My appointment was really good. I read her a list of stuff and I read her that post. I put everything out there. My grieving of what my life could have been if I was diagnosed younger. What could have been different. She said that that was a normal response and I will come to terms with it in my own time. I told her about all my blood test results and she said that iron and vitamin d affect mental health so she checked that I was taking the supplements. I told her about my self care day and she was happy that I did it and for now she is ok with me pushing myself hard to do everything on one day to allow me a day to myself. But we need to work on the fact that I’m pushing so hard but that’s for a little bit later on. She focused most on the anger of the feelings and why. I told her that the supervisor that was rude was having some issues at work and that I can understand why he was rude. She said that I could show him some compassion but could I show myself some? I said I just shouldn’t respond like that and she said that for me to remember that I have a lot going on too. We also talked about my surgery. It came up a lot and I said that it’s at th forefront of my mind. I told her it’s the unknown and the fact that I have a phobia of hospital. So we have booked another appointment for next week to work on my anxiety around going in.
I didn’t breakdown but my voice shook when I read her my post. I think with the fact that I hit her with so much and have so much going on, plus needing to drive home, she was a little gentle. But she also knows me weak enough when to be compassionate and when to challenge me. What my limits are.
Even though I didn’t want to go down this morning I was glad I did. I felt exhausted and overwhelmed but as you said, it’s hard with how I’m feeling. I didn’t mind the drive I just listened to my music and watched the world go by. I had my appointment and then went and had lunch on the beach and went for a walk. At the end of the walk it started raining so I stood in it for a while. It felt so mindful and so relaxing. I was at peace. It was just so nice.
The drive home was a bit busy with traffic but I dealt with it well. I’m not use to 3 lanes of intense traffic!!! I was an hour from home and driving at 110km and this car pulled out of an intersection to go to the other side right in front of me. I had to slam the brakes on and I just missed him. I was on the phone to my mum and just screamed ‘f’ing idiot’ (I don’t swear in front of mum!). I broke out into a sweat and was shaking. Then about 20mins later a kangaroo jumped out in front of me. I missed it too!
I did post photos above of my mindfulness!
@Jynx just so you can see how my appointment went.
