Lived Experience Forum

[Notmyrealname01]

Hey guys, im not diagnosed with anything, i guess partly due to the fact that i've never had the guts to go visit a GP or mental health professional and talk about myself and my problems. But i do feel like im not mentally well? 
Around 2 years ago i developed a really bad addiction to marijuana, ive been clean for a whole year and have never looked back but im worried about what it's done to my health. I've noticed that i have somewhat obscured thoughts? i've become alot slower at recognising people's faces and so sometimes i catch myself staring at randoms for an uncomfortable amount of time because they look similar. This one in particular, as im falling asleep or dozing off i think i can hear voices in my head? But im not sure if im hearing voices in my head at all since i dont know what voices in my head sound like. Emotionally, somedays i feel like im ontop of everything and my outlook on the future is all shiny, and then within a few hours i can feel like im stumped in the now? I think of all the little problems going on and end up digging into a hole. I also find myself asking if something is really happening? It's really weird, i'll be in a situation and suddenly think that some people around me might not even be real (i know im not diagnosed with anything but i think i might be schizophrenic). i've had suicidal thoughts for a very long time but i only recently started to worry about them because they've become so vivid and so frequent. There's alot more and i feel like it took me alot to even say all this about myself whilst remaining anonymous. i think the reason why i havent seen anyone or talked about it to anyone is that i feel like people have had it alot worse than me and it'd be silly to waste someone else's time with my problems? which i might not even have?  Has anyone gone through anything similar? will things get better eventually? Should i go see a health professional? if so, who? 

[Mazarita]

Hi @Notmyrealname01, welcome to the forum. 

When I first went to see my current psychiatrist about three and a half years ago, I had a similar attitude to you: I felt my problems were small compared to others. He said not to compare myself to others at all, that this was about me. In other words, we all have to live our own lives, and if we are experiencing troubles, we are fully entitled  to seek assistance. It's a great first step that you have posted here.

As it happened, I was in a very bad state when I first went to see my psychiatrist, despite thinking my troubles were small by comparison to others. I really needed to see him, as I really wasn't properly understanding how much trouble I was in. My life has improved enormously since I have been receiving regular treatment from such a good psychiatrist.

So, I'd say go to your GP as the first port of call. You are concerned about some things happening in your life, and so I think you might be best advised to follow up and find out what might be the nature of them, and if there are some things that might help you feel more at ease. 

Although you will find many people on this forum with a lot of 'lived experience' of mental health issues, as well as various treatment options, most of us would not want to guess about what your diagnosis might be. That is best left to professional practitioners.

I'd really suggest putting your mind at better ease by finding out if and/or what might be going on with you, rather than trying to guess. Seeing your GP will be the first step in getting a better handle on things.

Kind wishes, Maz

[Fredd50]

@Notmyrealname01

I've had experiences of feeling overwhelmed like that before, though of course everyone's experience is different.

I couldn't recommend who to go to, but I would recommend finding out what different options that there are. 

Some professionals, are very medical-model oriented, they can offer diagnosis, medication and maybe some other things as well these days.

Others are more open, more willing to help someone get the support and understanding that they need to put the pieces together and make meaning out of their own experience.

Sometimes it's not about finding the right person, in terms of their job description, but finding the right person for you - in what feels natural to your own understanding and growth and making meaning out of a crisis.

My advice would be - don't be afraid to ask for what you need, what makes sense to you - and don't be afraid to ask to speak to anyone you are considering to find out whether or not you feel that they are a good fit.

Diagnoses and "illnesses" are only one way of looking at mental health - even when it gets really scary. Emotions, thoughts and feelings however they get tangled, aren't the same as physical illnesses, in that way. "mental illness" is more of a concept.

So even if a doctor diagnoses you with something, if it doesn't feel right or it isn't helping you find your way to where you feel you need to go, you don't have to stick with that.

It's harder to find someone to work with individuals as themselves, rather than diagnoses, but they are out there. Of course, if you prefer to work with diagnoses, there are plenty of people out there who work with them too.