Lived Experience Forum

[utopia]

@BluJay. Wow work really is putting the pressure on you.  I'd  expect with all the tasks you have - that you  wouldn't have time for cold calling. 

I used to live my old job.  Then had 1 & 1/2 years of intense stress and workload.  It broke me mentally.  So please  look after you. 

Yes it's  great when we have  a good psychologist  to work with.  Makes a big difference .

[DGoldman]

@BluJay I hear you - I have similar experience. I don’t want to get out of bed - it feels to me like I actually can’t. And all I want to do is sleep. I may have to go

to work that day or have planned housework or a catch up with a friend but I just can’t bring myself to get up. As for what to do I eventually just force myself to get up - but this can be after a few hours or a whole day. 

But know that you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling.

best, D

[BluJay]

Yeah I don’t really get a chance to do the cold calling and when I do I will find something else to do because cold calling makes me feel so anxious and sick. I just hate making phone calls unannounced. Especially trying to sell something! It just sucks because I loved this job up until roughly 4 months ago where they changed me into business development, event coordinator and assistant venue manager(that does more than the “manager”)

I’ve applied for other jobs and I’m currently at my local favourite cafe about to go to drop in a resume at a place around the corner from my house. So fingers crossed I can get out, but still afford to live and not struggle.

[BluJay]

@DGoldman the day after I was great! I was happy and excited because I was going to play golf (I’ve taken a liking to golf in the past year and I find it helps switch my mind off when I’m on the course). However it takes some days a lot to convince myself I love golf.

I just want to be happy and not feel anxious and worry all the time, but it’s a weird worry it like makes my stomach feel tight and I loose my appetite and I start snowball panicking about EVERYTHING.

It’s so nice (in a odd way) that there are others out here with me that struggle each day. Putting on our “happy faces” and falling apart behind them. Mental illness is so shit and life ruining on so many levels, I just want to beat it! But I want to be a great partner and parent and employee and family member.

[DGoldman]

@BluJay Same here - I worry about one thing, then another thing, then it snowballs into worrying about everything, even things that haven’t happened yet! 

I know exactly what you mean when you say putting in yr happy face but falling apart behind it. I feel like I’m losing my ability to keep my happy face ‘on’. It takes so much effort (for me anyway) to appear ‘normal’ and i find it hard to contain the negative emotion from escaping. 

[BluJay]

I saw a post on SANE the other day, about deciding what to do when you reach the point that living is probably just about as good as not existing. Almost every day when I’ve driven to work (when I’m by myself) over the last week or so I consider the option of driving my car into a barrier on the expressway. I cannot do anything right anymore. My ex partner told me that I would never survive without someone else holding me up. And I think about that every day. I’m going to ruin my child I’m going to make her turn out like me. She’s so much better off without me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.