Lived Experience Forum

[Dearprudence9]

Hello anyone who is reading. 

We are still here in hospital. 

Its lonely and hard. 

I dont feel i can I can trust the staff enough to fully open up about the DID. 

They mention sometimes about changes in my behaviour, and if only they understood it’s DID and not exactly changes in behaviour. 

If only my friends and family knew too. 

Because if C is out - she’s good at interactions and getting things done and if you saw her, you’d think we were fine. But I’m still inside feeling how I feel. Same if Jack is out, he can come across quite angry or I don’t know. Different. But it doesn’t mean I feel that way. 

I guess its hard for pwople to understand that. And I know we are all parts of one person, so I’m not excusing myself in any way. Just trying to explain that just because we come across a certain way, it doesn’t mean that I feel better? And even though C can be out and we seem fine, as a whole we can still be feeling really bad and thinking about SI stuff. If that makes sense?

and when it’s really stressful like now, it’s a lot harder for us to work as a team. 

Sorry, don’t know if this makes any sense. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

It makes perfect sense to anyone who has an understanding of DID @Dearprudence9 and many here do ..... so please keep chatting with us, any parts who want to, and we are listening .....

Chatting on the forums helps many of us with loneliness and isolation as a part of our circumstances, and there are many who struggle with sh and si here too ....

We hear you.

💐💕

[Dearprudence9]

@Faith-and-Hope

Thank you so much. It does help a lot being heard and understood. 

Its such a shame that listening and acceptance like this isn’t more there our in the world. Because you’re right, the loneliness and isolation - it makes it that much harder with whatever mental health issue you’re dealing with. 

I really appreciate your replies. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Oh I hear you @Dearprudence9 ..... there’s a hidden issue in our family causing chaos, but the bigger picture is that it will likely result in breaking down  a familial disorder that has been in that part of the family for generations.

[Sophia1]

Hello @Dearprudence9

I am quickly checking to see how your situation is currently.

I didn't catch you when I was online last night..

I am not receiving any notifications at the moment either..

hoping that you have found someone on the staff with whom you feel comfortable..

keep on writing here as an additional form of support..

[Dearprudence9]

@Sophia1

Thank you for thinking of us. 

Still not good. There was one nice nurse on this morning. But it I so extremely hard for us to trust. Anyone really. It’s tough. 

I’m hoping we sleep better tonight because I know sleep helps. But nights aren’t the best time for us. 

And i I think I’ve felt overwhelmed by other people’s stuff today too. There’s so much sad and hurt and pain in the world and it’s not easy to fix. And I guess everything is very overwhelming today. 

[Sophia1]

Hello @Dearprudence9

apologies about the late reply..

I have had difficulties with notifications..

plus was dinner time ..time chatting..

hospital is a safe place at the same time as quite too clinical..might sound weird..

physical illness so very different to struggles of the mind..

I can well imagine night time being harder..do you have more interaction with your others then?

you are still in there so they are aware that you are not well enough to be sent home..

don't worry yourself with issues of others.. As hard as it is to do we have to put ourselves first and put all else aside when we are very unwell..

I wish for all of us that we have some restful sleep tonight..

I need it too..

take care..

[Faith-and-Hope]

Morning @Dearprudence9 @Sophia1 ....

I hope you all managed some sleep.

[Sophia1]

Hello @Dearprudence9

I will be on here for approximately 15-30 minutes...

have to limit myself with times that I sit...

ipad is annoying as it must use predictive text or whatever the latest lingo is...so am forever editing which is so annoying for those who have been tagged as a repeat notification is sent...

How are you and your others today?

Did you manage any rest last night?

[Dearprudence9]

Well - here’s an update: we’re going home. The doctor here said that because of the hospital’s insurance, I am not able to be “treated” by my own psychiatrist or therapist while I am here. And he reiterated that there isn’t anything else they can do for me here. So I’m going home tomorrow. 

And what I’m most peeved about is that I was out when we spoke to the doctor (C) - and he kept commenting on how well “I” seemed. Even though I kept trying to get across that Jess is still feeling exactly the same she’s just inside and he’s dealing with ME right now. Jess couldn’t have handled the meeting and talking about going home as effectively, and I wanted to get us home, so I was out for the meeting and have been out the rest of the evening. 

Its not fair that there isn’t more awareness about DID. Because even the nurses just think “I’m” doing better. But little do they know we are in exactly the same place we were when we came in - the only difference being that we now know the surroundings here more so the anxiety of that has gone down. But that would be normal with any new patient. 

So im sorry, but I’m so peeved. I would use stronger language but I’m trying to keep it under my hat. 

The lack of understanding and awareness and therefore lack of help and support - even in a mental health facility! - is ridiculous. 

Little do they know, Jack has engaged in sh in here, we all still feel si - and Jess is in just as much distress. 

So sure, because I’m (C) out, we look “a lot better”. 

Sorry - rant.