Hi @Former-Member
Yesterday I had 3 meals delivered - and I ate the cod and vegetables - I really enjoy the cod - it's very gently cooked - and the vegetables are great - I love cabbage
Today I am preparing a salad - we have gales blowing again and for me it's better to stay inside - but I will go outside long enough to pick some herbs from my garden - with such a wet winter I still have quite a few plants doing well - so I have yet to go and get more
What did you have for dinner? - or rather - what are you planning for dinner tonight?
Ah - yes - a couple of things I wanted to catch up with - I lost a long post and I forget which day after such a strange week
Why am I more alert since my mother died - good question - she is no longer in my thoughts with the "will I visit and come home crying because she snarls at me or will I stay home and send letters that she never responds to"
That was really hard - so I figured she was being sent mail every few weeks and if she wanted me she only had to ask - and being snarled at is no way to build diplomatic relationships with anyone - I never deserved that
Also- I had remembered repressed memories - and because they were buried so deep they are new - and I have seen a psychotherapist but there is more work to be done with all of that. However since childhood when I hid my terror of her - and then in adult life I could remember my terror - but I didn't know what it was and really didn't want to know - well - now I know the tight, exhausting feeling I had in the middle of my chest has dissolved - what I remember must be the case - so I am not exhausted carrying that bundle around with me - and it was hard to deal with until I knew what it was
I still can't write what that was and I get upset even trying to talk about it
And the other thing @Former-Member - you mentioned a verse from Scripture about
"If I am without love my voice is but a clanging bell of a clashing cymbal" I don't know whether I ever sent an answer to that one about your church friend - and yes - that kind of talk really hurts the ears - and it goes straight to the heart in a bad way. I wonder if that person was either been given you as her "prove your faith" project or has taken it on for herself - but it can never help to have someone say things about your commitment -
Who can tell how committed we are - God alone knows that - and it is painful to think how badly used people can be
There was a man at the church I had left whose son died at about the same time as mine - though I had moved on - and the minister at the time requested I visit his father - which I did - and I was amazed
Why should I have been asked - dried up emotionally as I was - I told his older man my son had died but I had to sit and listed to this man talk about his son until I left - and not once was my son mentioned again - and for years this has hurt
So why do I say this? - I guess people are into pastoral care for various reasons - but selecting people for the task to visit others is just as delicate as choosing Eucharistic Assistants and Servers and other people who has seen publicly attending to this. It's even more important for those seeking to lift up the heavy-hearted, tend the wounded - find the lost - etc
I have been thinking of a reply to this for days - I don't blame churches or church people - Christ came for all of us - none of us are perfect - but some of us a damaged -
Enough of this - the thought of sitting and listening when our hearts are breaking for the want of a more caring visitor is very hard -
Bless you @Former-Member
Decadian
