Night Shift

[Billamba]

Hey @Mazarita

Thanks for replying. Nice to know there are others out there in the silent night too. 

Im lucky, now I'm on a new antidepressant I seem to be sleeping a lot better. Although when I'm really riding that roller coaster of anxiety I still find it very hard to turn off the thoughts and actively have to fight it which is hard. 

Yes I do think it really was the best thing that I have come home. I just hate that I am hurting others and mucking people around. It's one thing that really gets to me and something I struggle with everyday with just normal life let alone out of the norm situations for me. I sent him a message earlier to apologise but he is either in bed/still partying/ignoring me but the biggest part of my brain says he's not interested you mucked him around too much even though logically I'm trying to fight it. Argh! God love it. 

[Former-Member]

I'm still wide awake too, nights are the worst... New meds for sleeping making me more jittery and feeling vulnerable.
@Billamba sounds like the first part of the night was awesome! Sorry to hear things got harder though. I had bad times when I was young and have been assaulted by my ex in every way. I get flashbacks from guys just talking to me at times... If you like this guy maybe it would be good to let him know a little about yourself - that a relationship with you wouldn't include sex for however long or whatever... That you'd want to go slowly and get to know him etc? I know that wouldn't be as easy as it seems though.., and I'm certainly not good with any sort of relationship so...,
Ive been feeling like I'm constantly on edge of major panic and anxiety lately and memories are just haunting me constantly.. It's not much of an existence right now

[Mazarita]

Cool that there's three of us here now, a not-so-silent night. 🙂

[Former-Member]

🙂 yes the void I less empty

[Mazarita]

@Former-Member I wish the meds helped. I know you need sleep...

@Billamba lisajane's thoughts about taking it slowly are good...

[Former-Member]

I keep hearing things at night that make me think someone could be there!! Freaks me out and I just end up listening for more sounds.. Tried putting music on but that just scares me more that someone is sneaking in then! Doh wish my brain would sloooow down and be rational

[Billamba]

A not so silent night indeed @Former-Member @Mazarita

I'm sorry to read you are feeling on edge all the time and that memories are haunting you constantly, @Former-Member. I know you feel you aren't much of an existence at the moment but for what it's worth your existence matters to me and I'm sure many others on here too. 

Yes i I think a proper chat would be good. It's funny I was only posting in a thread here today about telling people about our struggles. It's a hard thing and a fine line that's for sure. Im supposed to be going to some semi local races next weekend so hopefully I will chat to him just casually before then and maybe vaguely bring it up when I actually see him. I'm talking to my MH nurse this week so maybe I will bring up the anxiety related to the assault with her too. 

[Billamba]

Oh @Former-Member that is the worst isn't it. I really feel for you. Do you get some rest during the day?

[Former-Member]

Thanks - hope that the chat happens and goes well!! My lil guy is awake better get him back to bed, then try and rest again, night

[Mazarita]

@Former-Member It's good that you have the rational perspective though and can write it out here. I sometimes get odd fears like that too. I sleep with a light and the overhead fan on pretty much all year round. There's no real reason for my fears. I so wish things were easier for you right now...