Lived Experience Forum

[MJK]

Hi,

I have never used a forum like this before, I usually deal with my problems independently, but I have been really struggling recently and have wanted someone to talk to, so here I am. I have multiple mental illnesses which I tend to just plod along with and do my best to have a functional life, but sometimes I find it hard to cope.

About a week ago, depression set in very suddenly. I have been feeling overwhelmingly lonely since and am completely lost. Loneliness has always been there but I tend to push it aside and I guess I don't really deal with it. I seem to now be dealing with 10 years of backed up loneliness all at once. I don't have any close friends and have been single for a long time. I have a few work friends but I don't live near anybody and have very minimal spare time so we don't socialise outside of work. It can be upsetting sometimes to see that collegues are meeting up, but to not be invited out. I often feel rejected and feel that people talk about me.

I have been so desperate for someone to talk to me. I keep looking at facebook, hoping that someone wants to talk, but noone does. It feels devastating to want interaction and a sense of connection to someone, but not be able to find it. I feel completely unwanted and feel like I will never have someone in my life to share a close bond with. I am so empty and isolated and I feel worthless. Due to my current distress, I have been unable to complete any work/ study and have fallen behind, which is adding more stress, but I can't seem to concentrate enough to do anything. I'm completely lost and I don't know what to do. I'm really struggling to cope at the moment.

I'm sorry for such a long post. Thank you to anyone who reads it.

[Zoe7]

Welcome to the forum @MJK 

What you have just described fits with so many peopleon here @MJK - so you are definitely not alone 

The wonderful thing about this community is that although we are all struggling with various forms of MI we all get how both unique AND similar we are. It is a very supportive community here and I am so pleased you have found us.

If you have any questions please ask. Have a look around, read some posts and 'jump in' to any conversation you feel comfortable being part of when you feel you can.

Zoe 

[Former-Member]

Hi @MJK
Welcome to the forums, sorry to hear that you have been struggling with so much. Lots of care and support is given freely here by members. Loneliness is really hard to deal with and is something that many members deal with in different ways/situations.
I hope that you find the forums helpful, take care.

[utopia]

@MJK. Lonliness is an awful feeling. I know it well. Like you I normally deal with it or push it to the side & then I'm okay. But when my depression hits, the Lonliness comes back so strong. Then my sleep is disturbed and my concentration and motivation goes out the window.
I think it would be wise to focus on getting your depression under control, first.
Do you see a counselor or psychiatrist? Are you on any anti depressants? If not, you may like to speak to your gp. If you are already on AD's - you may need to let your psychiatrist know your mood has dropped - you might need a temporary increase in your meds.

[LeaWatson]

I can really understand what you feel. I have had such a period in my life, when i had no one by my side and i used to feel so lonley... all the problems that i have had during that period used to be really difficult to pass alone... i still rememver remember those days.., i used to use a lot of rx discounts to have the possibility to buy the drugs i needed. I hope that you're going to find some good solutions to your problems! Fingercrossed! 

[MK77]

Hi @MJK You can chat with me anytime 😙 Good Luck I hope you find your way 💋

[MJK]

Thank you @LeaWatson @MK77 @utopia @Former-Member @Zoe7 for your replies and kind words. It has been very hard for me and I definitely have a long road ahead but I am grateful that a few people have listened to my concerns and have responded without judgement.

@utopiaI am not seeing a doctor or psych and am not currently on any ADs. I spent a few years of my life on ADs and didn't want to spend the rest of my life on them, so have been off for quite some time now. I realised today that I don't have a medicare card any more so going to the doctors is not an option for me right now.

I welcome anyone who wants to chat. I think having a conversation is a good place to start when trying to cope with loneliness.

Thank you again.

[utopia]

@MJK. Even without a current medicare card, the gp will be able to see you. They can phone medicare and get your number.
You are brave going off your AD's. I think I will stay on mine forever - if they keep my depression at bay.
I find when I'm depressed I actually push people away. My friends and family. So even though I feel terribly lonely, I do the opposite and avoid people as much as possible. Which just fuels my depression further.

[MJK]

@utopia  I have the same problem when I am depressed. I tend to push people away or avoid them, but at the same time really want their support. It is a vicious cycle which makes things worse. I think we are our own worse enemy when we are depressed.

[MJK]

Would someone like to talk? About anything, I would just like to talk to someone. Sorry.