Lived Experience Forum

[KyleUli]

Sorry this isnt directly in response to your post but it was the only way i could say anything without registering. Im just desperately looking for some insight. Ive been talking to and dating this girl on and off for over 10 years now. She was never always this bad but the last 5 years or so have really takin a more noticeable toll on her. I feel terrible and i really want to help. We were finally back together as well when i finally found out she had this condition. It all made sense and i was able to to approach all our problems a lot better. Things were well for almost a year but i noticed her symptoms increasing the past couple of months so i nervously approached it slow and just listened. This went on until she had a full blown meltdown and work and made a scene. After that she began acting extremely manic even more so then she was before. I was supposed to call her and when i was done cooking i seen that she said nvm dont call. For the next week she wouldnt say one word to me. I continued to use the proper way to approach her as best as i could. Then i was barely getting 2 words out of her and really short and nasty messages telling me she wasnt gonna read what i was saying. Then finally another week later she breaeks up with me telling me i hit her and she refused to be with some one that hits her (it was a year ago and it was in a very playful way that i even apologized for multiple times and she said it was fine) Next thing i know she's deleted and blocked me on all social media and a week later i was able to find out she was with some one else pictures already posted on IG etc. I know she is just having a relapse and in the "risky sexual encounter" phase and i just need to stop this some how. Is there something i can say to make her listen or a certain way to say it or some amount of time i should wait. i cant let her do this to herself and im close to having a big sum of money so i can remove her from that terrible environment she lives in. i just need a chance to get a word in. Are there any words or ways of hearing things that really grab your guys attention. She's Particularly Manic and when not taking her medication can be paranoid and dellusional. Once i watched her fall on her butt and she was convinced she bashed her head and had a concussion and started having a mild panic attack. She also gets angry if she even thinks you are disagreeing with her.  I have the patience to endure so telling me to just let her be and move on is useless lol. No offense.

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @KyleUli

I am not sure if you realise but you are already registered thats why the site allowed you to post, I hope that is ok??

If it is then welcome to the sane forums 🙂

Are you able to clarify what "condition" your girlfriend has?

and am i right in thinking that your main question is what is it like to have this MH issue and what do people wish that others would say to them when they are in a particularly bad phase in order to help them get back to health? 

[KyleUli]

schizoaffective personality disorder. Extreme manic and bi-polar type episodes. dellusional and unrealistic thinking sometimes. We get along great when she takes her medication. And sorry i didnt realize i could post lol. i couldnt find anything but i hadnt fully registered yet. After i had typed this i realized it wanted me to click a second link to verify lol

[Lunar]

Hi there @KyleUli

That sounds like an extremely difficult position to be in, at the moment she sounds quite manic would you say? Are you able to get in touch with her Psychiatrist or doctor to give them that insight so they can review her medication at all?

Otherwise I think it would be helpful if you could think about ways that have worked in the past when you have found you are able to talk to her and suport her in the way that works for her, such as being completely transparent with her and asking "I have noticed lately that you are expressing some manic symptoms such as.... and I wanted to ask what would help you get through this right now or what has helped in the past?" Something along those lines, have you tried that at all and what response did you get?

I have also found some info on the Bipolar caregivers website that might help

Lunar 🙂

[KyleUli]

actually when i found out this year i started reading alot about it. it suggested things exactly worded like that. Its actually effective. See ive narrowed it down to an exact moment that it was triggered. She was messaging me asked to call and i said sure but im cooking right now. when i came to the phone there was a long story about a manic episode she had that day where she kicked an ex coworker and he put her into a submission move. Then nvm dont call me followed it. She ignored me for a week before finally responding with nasty messages telling me she doesnt feel like talking. A week later she broke up with me. I have a gut feeling in that moment she maybe felt embarrassed after realizing how ridiculous her story was and that it triggered some anger towards me where she started thinking of everything she didnt like about me. The problem is with her ignoring me its hard to get the chance to defend myself. I did manage to send a heart felt email where i told her i would never judge her and she could tell me anything no matter how good or bad and that my love for her was unconditional no matter what. The problem is within a week she got a new bf (i guess to feel like she moved on and forget what happened.) so she is avoiding these messages i think by saying Im not reading your messages. I came up with an excuse to contact her (about getting our stuff) and that is how i had the chance to slip in the short heart felt message. I know if its too long she wont read it. It has to be powerful in few words and this method has worked in the past. Ive also swayed her out of her quick made bfs if i make the right moves fast. I just told her that i dont want her for myself that i want her to choose me. If thats what she wants its fine. Seems to help when she feels like its her choice.  I hope this one works though but it takes her longer to think out the logic then it does for me so i also know i have to be patient and not message too much. when i have self control and dont let her bait me into a fight it usually works. I just dont know if i worded it the best way or if i shoulda brought up that it hurt she lied to me but i wont bring it up. Or if i shoulda used the kinda shady trick of using a free web browser sms to get her to know i sent an email since she ignores everything from my number

[KyleUli]

if it doesnt work that means ill be waiting 3-5 months for her to have an episode with this new guy and i know he's not even gonna know what to think and leave her if she doesnt invent some crazy reason to kick him first. it happens every time. She constantly starts and stops her meds at random ever since she's had to take them. When she showed up to stay with me for a month last year she was so relaxed and we got along so well. She decided to stop towards the end and i could see a slow increase in the manic activity. She claimed to have got back on them when she went home but i dont think i believe that. i kept warning her that when you stop taking that type of medication over night that her symptoms will flood back tenfold. 

[Lunar]

Yes @KyleUli stopping and starting the medication really wouldn't be helping at all, but that is up to her to figure out with her doctor I guess, all you can do is reflect that you have noticed the changes and hope that she will take on that information.

It's really helpful that you are aware of how she avoids talking about certain things and this pattern of avoidance is continuing some issues that she is having with not letting her communicate how she is really coping and opening up to you, perhaps a defense mechanism she has learnt in the past to cope through difficult times.

It's good that you are also aware that if it is short messages they are more effective than longer messages/texts, etc. She is really lucky to have you looking out for her, you are being so supportive and understanding.

Lunar