Lived Experience Forum

[Bast]

@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Former-Member@Queenie@Appleblossom

Hi lovelies

I wish you all the best and hope that you are doing OK.  And as always thank you for your support. My adoptee Odin (Bengal to be) is no longer a total beachball and sloth. Odin has become increasingly receptive to normal attention and pats. I think he now feels safer here. Today he has taken up more Bengal style behaviours (undies on the outside and supercat) He has clambered up the (catproof) flyscrean on the window all the way to the top. Wow that was so wonderful to see. The biting and scratching is now minimal and he is receptive, his tail still indicates a degree of fear however it has improved. He seems to have settled overall into the family herd and become increasingly interested in his new life. 

He is currently inspecting the windows downstairs and the view, no doubt enjoying the fresh air and bird spotting. I think Odin also knows that dinner time awaits. 

During the past week he has joined me on the bed whilst I slept. The Alpha female Baby Girl does remain troubling for him, she will simply stare him down and Odin will back off. Interestingly Odin appears to have adapted to now living with the herd, no actual fights just and occasional slap. Odin missed out on his primary development with his mother and other offspring - I believe that Odin therefore has no concept of other cats. Ägain wonderful to see.

He still needs his sanctuary and will return there regularly, I hope gradually that this will lessen.

I now have a rescue cat that is doing well, my relief is strong as a result.

Thank you and regards

Bast (in loving memory) and Odin

[Queenie]

Your comment @Bast, about Odin being a Supercat brought a funny mental image to mind of him wearing his little undies on the outside complete with red cape! I am glad his fear is subsiding and he is being more Bengal. My ex partner has a Bengal and the fly screens and curtains were a mess, but I think it comes with the territory of being a cat (especially Bengal) human. Our cat likes to climb too (but not Bengal just a plain ginger domestic shorthair) but is slowly growing out of it. I am personally looking forward to when the Christmas tree goes up to see what she makes of it. I am guessing it will be timberrrrrrr for the poor tree!

[utopia]

@Bast. Wonderful to hear how well Odin is doing. His progress from last week - is increasing. More time with his undies on the outside and less time hiding in the room.
Well done on helping him make it this far.

[Bast]

@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Niqueeta1@dugga@Queenie@Appleblossom

Hi all wonderful people I hope your worlds are doing OK. Queenie I so glad that my image flashed into your mind and made you smile. This is Odin, 2016 - and now very much closer than the beachball he had become. 

His weight is now pretty close to being good for his size and he is a large cat as Bengals often are. Bast was lean, However had the pronounced wild cat pshysiology. When Odin arrived (he was around the 12kg mark way too fat for his health. Odin has been to bed today as i have seen the doona rumpling - amazingly he tends to actually get into the doona cover - what the?

I have been thinking of you all and Dugga - I hope that you KSB in the long awaited concilliation hearing. My thoughts are very much with you - when it it scheduled?

For me - there is no news of a hearing date and I cannot sustain myself finacially on my meagre income that due to my counselling practice has actually been determined by the original IME that I am no longer entitled to workcover. I am perfectly fine to go back to full time torture.Amazing what you can change in the way of an opinion when you are paid to do it.

I am still floundering around trying to figure out what really matters. I have been back to see my psych and became unbable to go and have path done - gotta love being afraid of the results. I know now that wasn't so brilliant as I have to wait 2 weeks for another appointment - although I am grateful in so many ways - i just do not want to know at all. The floundering is continuous - I am scared really across the board and looking for escape at every moment. 

I have some work that I am interested in and yet it has taken days to even consider how best to update my somewhat outdated and volumious CV - Decisions suck.

I took last week for myself (not bright financially) returned today and worked with people in extreme distress. I continue to belive that my practice actually matters. To work with another and encourage personal development matters. To fully acknowedge and therapeutically be completely there is such an honour. The deep dark secrets can be re-examined and re-framed so readily. I may have sacrificed my wc entitlements and yet in my heart, my mind and my body I hurt - although I knbow it is the "right" thing do do.

Bast (In loving memory) and Odin

[utopia]

Hi @Bast. Wow Odin was a pudgy boy. Glad you have him almost at his right weight now.
Good for you in recognising that helping others in your work is good for you. Pain or nopain. It must be a great ssense of achievement to know you helped somebody today.
IME reports - aaarrrggghhh - don't like them. Some of the stuff they write is just so wrong. And they don't even know you.
Take care of yourself and Odin and your other beautiful cats. Thinking of you.

[Kurra]

What a majestic and stunning cat Odin is @Bast.! Apologies for my prolonged absence but I've had a lot on my plate and I've had to concentrate on Kurra staying stable.

As we both know Bast, our work is critical for those in severe distress. It may, after all be the one contact that is helping them to keep going. Never undervalue just how much you give in one session.
Luv n Hugzzz 💞

[Bast]

@Kurra@utopia

Hi wonderful people

Thank you sincerely for your wonderfully encouraging comments. I hope that you are both doing well and Odin sends you major cuddles and purrs. Yes he is well on his way back to 'real' Bengal status He is now capable of randomly climbing cat proof screens and I love to see him stretch up walls and cupboards showing off his increasingly toned Bengal shape. 

Kurra thank you so much for sharing your practice - I have been maligned and discrimated against due to MI for what feels like forever. The self doubt rocks me pretty badly. I hope that you are feeling better and that your stability is re-building. 

Utopia - lovely as always thank you. Take good care of you as many people need you.

Regards in loving memory Bast and Odin

[Queenie]

@Bast I am imagining Odin being just about into everything now. The Bengal body is rather lithe and lean, with spectacular colouring. Your boy seems just gorgeous. I'm glad he is starting to act rather more 'Bengal' now with the climbing and stretching out. Judging from your picture, he has absolutely stunning colouring.

Our kitty is sending meows and purrs to you and Odin (and the memory of beloved Bast). 

[utopia]

@Bast. Good to hear from you. I look forward to the updates on Odin. Great to hear he is acting more like a Bengal cat. You are obviously doing a lot of things right with him. And he's found the perfect family.

[Bast]

@Niqueeta1@Queenie@Appleblossom@dugga@utopia@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@kurra

Hi all

The drift into the unknown continues, the ACC party will go down on 8/11/2017. I question this constantly - addressing the horrors is certainly not within my realms presently, I am trying to come to terms with the personal and emotional ramifications that this willl incur. By the date of the Concilliation it will be 6 months - 6 months of literally endeavouring to block the damage leakage, sadness and fear. I understand that the emotional componenet will be so hard. I am trying to view this as reading the last page of a horror story and closing the book finally. Five years of utter maltreatment, discrimination and sheer spite have done so much damage.

The people I have worked with throughout this time have always benifited and my clinical strengths have always been exemplary. I just cannot go back there - ever, for my own well being and due to the persecution from management. How dare I have a MH diagnosis and continue to function throughout most work requirements. It is farcical to refelct upon what has been done to make me leave - like the 6 others before me. Only one actually secured ongoing workcover support, mine was very short lived 14 weeks prior to denouncement.

I now need to focus upon interviewing for counselling roles - scary stuff when anxiety and self debasement and loathing have taken such a strong grip upon my mind. I know fundamentally this is irrational although how can I effectively really not let this show. I need to somehow focus on my therapy practice, I treasure the work with people. Today I undertook an unexpected couples therapy session - desperate plea for help. I have agreed to see them again pro bono, after hours next week as the crisis and the needs are so high 

I do intellectually recognise that I am effective and capable. It is very hard though to realign the sewer that runs through my brain from the public health experiences. It always helps to talk with you all. As does the conversation I had with a Clinic GP today - she sys "we are so lucky to have found you, everyone you work with says how good you are" and I say it is a 2 way street - I feel to valued here. The new referrals are again out to four weeks wait. Today I informed the wonderful admin staff member of my unavailability on 8/11/2017 - all 7 sessions are booked. I have now agreed to work the following day - I may be less focused and not at my usual standard - however I need to stop the running away.

On my beautiful Odin - this morning's breakfast downstairs was not good - he could not settle enough to dine on the bench with the other cat's encroaching (bunch of bingers) so back to the dining in the partner's room. He is still doing well with the weight loss and seeking attention, however starvation due to my more forceful others is not an option. I will try again when I can defend him more effectively. 

Tomorrow I have a PDoc appointment and yes I have been hiding from this as well - finally did the path last week just do not want to know the results and commence on anything else. Everything just get's to me and I feel so overwhelmed.

Regards (In loving memory Bast) and Odin