Lived Experience Forum

[sotty]

I wrote a piece entitled, is there life after hospital. It entailed being incredible bored and losing parts of my soul.
Today, i feel more optimistic thanks to my partner but now he is low and i cant feel like ive dragged him down. He says things like, do you know how hard it is to look after two people and i have no time to myself. Half the time i dont know how to respond. The pep talks do help but at what cost. I love my partner very much and basically he is all i have in Melbourne. Can anyone shed some light on the situation please.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @sotty,

It sounds like you and your partner love each other a great deal. Unfortunately, mental illness can impact on a relationship, but it doesn't mean that you can't work it. Caring for someone can take it's toll. The worry and stress, while having no time to oneself can be exhausting. So it's important that in any relationship people have their own down time to take care of themselves. Also, as a couple, try and make time to create positive experiences together. Is this something you can do?

I'm going to mention other people on here who I know are in relationships to see if they can offer some guidance. @Shaz51 @Mazarita @aButterfly @Queenie 

[Queenie]

Creating positive experiences together as a couple is vital for mental health recovery for both of you (believe it or not your partner is 'recovering' too, having to regroup and work to support you now). Life after hospital can be very rewarding for the both of you. Something as simple as a picnic at the beach or going for a walk together (a mindful walk taking in all the five senses: touch, sight, sound, taste, smell is a great example). For the person with ived experience of mental health issues, life after hospital can be daunting. We forget it can be just as daunting for family, partners and friends. 

Did you know your partner can be supported through Mental Health Carers Australia (formerly ARAFMI)? My gf used their telephone support line during my recent hospital admission, even if was just to vent. From what I heard from her, they were very supportive.

You can do this together @sotty. No need to walk alone.

[getbetter]

I had this conversation with my friend tonight, I worry that I have become a burden on my friend and my family, and they worry because they don't know how they can help, although they are all good help and I am Lucky to have them,

[Missmum87]

In my point of view, as I am in the same position as your partner, i don't think he would be getting 'sick' of you being sick.....he is by your side out of love, as I am to my partner who has now recovered from accident physically, but mentally he has suffered up until his very close successful attempt to take his life if I hadn't turned up in time. So to shed some light for you from a partners prospective it could be as simple as recognition in new emotions and inner strengths he has had to find while remaining strong while you also recover. Its is very exhausting at times and sometimes I even get this feeling/thought as everyone asks how my partner is wherever we go......deep down I sometimes just want to cry and hide and have a quiet hour to myself and scream what about me i feel like im drowning. But I can't, cause if I break it makes him break too. I stay strong when I have to and cry where he can't hear me for a sec, which is why I have also said very similar words out of frustration. I hope this helps you.

[Lunar]

Hello @sotty,

I am so glad to hear that you are feeling more positive, it sounds like you have been through a lot lately and your partner loves you very much and you also really love him. Perhaps him saying that was just being honest with you about how he is doing and didn't mean to make you feel guilt but just that now you are feeling more positive he is able to show a little more of how he is coping, which doesn't mean he doesn't love you it's more that he is feeling like he can open up now. I wouldn't read into it or take it like you have dragged him down, as you have gone through so much together and things have been much worse and you got through it ❤️

I think it would be really helpful for him to get some extra support and that coudl be through those carer organisations like @Queenie said or with some nice quality time together, something that is fun and enjoyable, do you two do any date nights or spend a day doing things together that you both can relax and enjoy? It would be good if you could start doing those things more frequently now, do you think?

Lunar 🙂