Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Sorry to hear you were let down. @Former-Member

I just love your HANDLE. IT says it ALL.  GO FOR IT MATE.

Sadly it does not surprise me, but as it is a big system, there are probably a few good things and people hiding in the odd crevice.

Yeah my ex and I went it alone for 15 years with a fair deal of success.

I walked him through pdoc supervised reduction of antipsychotics, but I was p**d by my exhubs callous attitude when that particular pdoc died .. and he was good one. I had to insist he bother to front up to the funeral .. My ex is a jerk who manipulates with his Dx as it suits his advantage and it was devastating for my biological family of origin and kids. Still the ex is living a good quality of life in a beautifully renovated 3 Bedder in pretty town with 3 toots ... dont ask why. He has only one rear end.

VALE DR JIM JEWELL. Teacher of psychiatrists.  Later I coincidentally went to one of Dr Jewell's students who had more EGO than than competence.Nother story. I have thought of filing a serious complaint with RANZCP .. but atm I have other fish to fry.

SO though I am aware of antipsychiatry movements etc new & old ... have a stack of literature on the matter ... I also have my own postgrad training in the field and so hold many therapeutic SKILLS & values. Defintniely a DIY person .. houses and heads if you get my drift.  I am also cautious when the well being of my CHILDREN is involved. I would take risks with myself and supported a 35 yo adult male on his journey, but not take risks with kids.  Do you kinda get my position.is complicated and nuanced. @Former-Member?

We Ran an IT company for about 7 years, renovated and sold houses, raised 3 kids, got more quals and equity ... lots of creative output ... by both of us ...  is that the sort of thing you mean?

and tho I am fuming like Vesuvius atm cos the little prik is a psychological abusive manipulative so and so who has now hurt my biological children seriously and this big bad mamma is looking for her battle axe.  MY STUFF.

I do try and be a lady sometimes.. but I have a fair vocab ... grew up in the toughest parts of town.  Just as well I did not talk much .. but I was forced to listen to everyone else.

I will eventually try and reduce my dependence on health system  AGAIN but atm it is critical I be a good compliant girl ... ahem ... old lady. Which is my default position anyway.

Too hard ot explain my stuff, but I support you if you are informed and level headed.

Dont let a label stop you getting a life.

[Former-Member]

 I did last year @Former-Member,as stated in this site,changed my life with the stupidity of putting faith and trust in a mental health nurse I saw for over three years.I thought the world of him.When I first went to him,I remember asking what I should do,and he answered correctly that he could not tell me what to do...this changed in the end as well as the judgements.The finale was II heard the same three words of his notes read back from three different doctors "lacks intimate relationships",and something went in my mind when I heard it the last time.The last time it clicked how f***** humiliating , violated,and embarrassing that was,and offensive.I did a silly course,where any notes were to be with the client as the reader in mind.I went home that day from the go and cancelled my next appointment.I texted him the next morning,and unfortunately my mobile phone texting made it sound like I was going to SC.I wasn't far from it mind you,but had the police at my door telling me personal stuff I had told my mh. Nurse.The Policeman was a absolute pig on top,who lacked the skills to deal with m.h.

I then went to a psychologist a month later after struggling,had several visits with her,but in January this year, realised I felt worse through her judgements,and when the timer went on the hour up,so did her personality....not help.

I only thought yesterday @Former-Member,if that mental health nurse ever reflected on how insensitive his notes were,but I doubt it.I have had to see a doctor last two months due to high anxiety,but won't take antidepressants,as it's their answer to my problems but it's not mine when you have triggers by your environment.I went through the darkest time last year,and you do feel alone,but yes @Former-Member,it wasn't help,not when they are too preoccupied with their egos.

[Former-Member]

Sorry to hear about your bad experience... Its not uncommon.

At the end of the day, it comes down to your decision.

Only thing that helped me pretty much was the Support Group for my depression and it still does.

I read lots of books written by people with chronic health issues and follow clues exactly what they did to help themselves recover and live productive lives. 

These days its difficult finding a decent doctor in any given field. Maybe you just need a break and try find another when you feel you are ready again. No pressure.

[CheerBear]

Hi @Former-Member.

I read your post and felt so many things while I did. I felt angry and frustrated and so disappointed thinking that you've been let down and hurt. I really despise that there is so much of that being experienced at the hands of those who should know and do better.

I have lots of respect for your want to go it alone. I'm incredibly selective with who I choose to have on my 'team' for the reason that there is so much potential for shattering (of my heart/head etc) when I share parts of my life with people. I haven't stopped and gone it alone entirely though because when I have found people who work well with me, it really makes a difference. It is really hard to keep looking and keeping trying when past experiences haven't been good, or have actually been completely terrible and damaging as it sounds like you might have experienced.

You asked whether anyone has any tips. One thing I am thinking is that it might be helpful to connect as much as possible with people who get it. Going it alone completely sounds like it has the potential for being isolating which from my experience, doesn't really help me. Finding someone or some people who care and who get it helps me from feeling isolated. I am not sure who these people may be for you, but I am thinking of friends, family, a support group, people on the forum, a local community group of some kind, a social club or group of people who share some kind of similar interest with you etc.

The other thing I am thinking is to find whatever it is that feels good for you and to do as much of it as you'd like and you can (my rule for me is that this 'whatever it is' can't be something that hurts anyone).

I hope kitten is good company for you at the moment, and that your blanket feels safe. I have missed seeing you around 5-HT.

[Sahara]

Hi @Former-Member,

good on you for telling those people how you really feel! Sometimes, I really wish I had told more people in my life to f--- off. I probably would have got better a whole lot sooner!

But seriously, it is hard work to go it alone. I think you just need to find a really good G.P. and start from there. Are you on medication? It's never a good idea to just stop taking your meds without supervision.

I have been going it alone with my MI for about 3 and a half years. I stopped my antidepressants at that time. I would have still taken PRN anti-anxiety meds- but the doctor refused to prescribe them to me anymore. He thought that I was addicted to them. I was grumpy and irritable for about 5 or 6 weeks, coming off my antidepressant, but then I felt much better. I really missed my PRN anti-anxiety tablets for about 6 months, so yeah, I possibly was addicted to them!

I could have kept going back to see a psychologist indefinitely, but I decided not to. There was nothing wrong with my psychologist- I felt she was a nice person. It's just that I wanted to make my decisions in life, entirely by myself. I felt I had said everything I needed to say. I wrote her I nice email thanking her for her help.

I dumped that G.P. who told me I was addicted- I just never went back. So what? It's not like there aren't plenty of G.P's in this world! Some of them are really looking for new business, too. People like me are their livelihood. I have one G.P. I still see occasionally in my home town, and another one here where I now live. They are fine. They don't bring up my MI and neither do I. 

When my Mum died 2 years ago, I thought I would need counselling, but strangely enough I did not. I couldn't think of anything I really needed to say. I just cried and cried and let grief take its course. Grief is not like depression - it's different. 

I do things like yoga, walking in nature, journaling, painting and getting plenty of rest. Sometimes I need an afternoon nap. I practice mindfulness when I think of it. I take deep breaths whenever I get emotional (reasonably often!)

I try to share my feelings. 

I still suffer from anxiety, but at least now I know what it is. Understanding my illness has been one of the most important parts of my recovery.

@Former-Member, if you don't want to see a professional right now, would you consider seeing some kind of alternative therapist for a while? Apparently acupuncture (just for example) has been shown to benefit anxiety- my psychiatrist told me that, many years ago. 

Even having a massage could be soothing. I don't think these people can replace conventional therapy- but they could tide you over for a while, so as you can decide what to do.

[NotLabelDefined]

hey @Former-Member,

Sounds like you've had repeated negative expereinces with MH 'professionals'. i remember many years ago i had pretty much the same thoughts as yourself about them. i gave up on them too. After a while i decided to give it another go, casue deep down i really knew i needed it. and lucky for me i actually found a good one. im so glad i gave it another go cause the support i got helped me turn my life around. i did all the hard work, but the support was invaluable.

[Former-Member]

@NotLabelDefined,
As I'm thinking about it now I think it's a combination of 2 issues:
1. Most MH professionals are arrogant shits who look down on, manipulate and use to serve their own ego
2.Some people are just shit. Maybe it's outside the 5th standard deviation, but maybe it's true. And maybe MH professionals seem to always end up telling me that I'm useless, worthless, vile shit is because it's true. I feel like crap if I don't take medication because that is reality. It's a joke. I should never have started taking them in the first place. I just don't have the guts to do it.
So what do I do now?

[NotLabelDefined]

hey @Former-Member,

thanks for sharing your thoughts and reflecting deeply in a constructive way about your thoughts...thats gota be a positive sign iright there 😉

i cant really tell you what you should do, its not my place, but in saying that, i have an incling you know what positive steps are best for you in your situation at this point in time. things do change over time and if we can be aware of that thats a big step in the right direction! youve already shown you have some great personal insight... => are just one question...do you think if you did happen to find the right support it would be helpful?

[Former-Member]

I don't see how support would help.

I am a fundamentally broken, flawed, evil, worhtless, useless being. I'm not even human. I'm scum. 

This isn't happening for no reason. He siad those things because he meant them. Other MH professionals have been right in telling me what they've said. 

"Help" isn't going to make a difference.

What I really need help with isn't allowed to be discussed on this forum.

But it's not hard. It's just scary.