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Awpgirl
Senior Contributor

Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

Hi everyone
I have been battling severe post traumatic stress disorder , depression, aggrophobia, selfharm, anxiety and suicidacity since 2014.
Due to life threatening allergies I cannot rely on medication to help me.
At my lowest many years ago,my ex husband; the man I thought loved and adored me; walked out on our marriage while I was very ill in hospital.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who can barely deal with my symptoms; and two female friends.
Apart from my boyfriend, girlfriends and son's ? Doctors and my medical team are the only people I interacted with.

I have recently had a massive setback faced homelessness and having relationship & financial issues.

It feels like no one understands me. Or why I am happy one minute and having a dissociative episode the next.

It's not all bad though. I still have hope.
I love dancing and snowboarding; cello and art. I love computer games!
Plus I believe in love.

I hope to find some support and to be able to give support.

16 REPLIES 16

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

Hi @Awpgirl Welcome to the forum Smiley Happy

There are many members here who have had similar battles as you Smiley Sad

Although I also share some of your battles it is often difficult for me to talk about them. This forum has allowed me to gain support - even when I can't 'talk - and I hope it provides the same for you. You have taken the first step by reaching out here and that is a courageous step to take. It can often be 'tricky' for new members to connect with people who share similar experiences so I suggest you use the search bar towards the top of this page and enter in a keyword eg. PTSD - That will then take you to discussions of the topic that have already been started. Read a little and get a 'feel' for the community and when you are ready enter a discussion. Also take a look at the community guidelines - which can be found here so you are aware of what you can and cannot post.

You will be welcomed whole-heartedly by the members here and I hope you find it a supportive, caring and compassionate community.

If you have any questions - please feel free to tag me i.e. @Zoe7 (make sure you put the @ in front of the name...)

Again - welcome to the forum @Awpgirl Smiley Happy

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

Hi @Awpgirl - welcome to the forums, im very glad to see you here. I have similar diagnosis - minus the agoraphobia and am similarly isolated. Its difficult. I dont have a partner though, which is a good thing for me i think...
I think the forums are a great place to find and give support and hope that you find it helpful.
Take care

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

@Zoe7 thank you for the warm welcome. I have read through the community guidelines and hope my original post did not breach any of them.

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

No not at all @Awpgirl - not even close Smiley Tongue

How are you doing now?

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

@Zoe7 well I try to keep a positive outlook and have been conditioned by society to "put on a brave face". I am hoping that here I can just be me.
The reality is that my mental Illness cannot be treated by medication and that is relatively recent news.

So here I am in bed alone, feeling bleh and so grateful and appreciative that I have found these forums.

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

I think we have all been conditioned that way for a very long time @Awpgirl - the reality for most here is that MI is not generally something that is 'accepted' by the broader society as an illness. This is starting to turn but I believe but the stigma (and in some cases - shame) associated with having a MI still has a very long way to go. This becomes even more difficult when the 'cause' of ones illness is as a consequence of 'historical' events and/or the reluctance of society to be open and honest with things that are often kept hidden - that too has seen alot of changes recently.

It must be so much harder for you not being able to have medication. Medication certainly isn't the 'solution' on it's own but certainly can help with achieving and maintaining some sense of stability. We still haven't got my meds right - I feel like a pharmacy most days Smiley Frustrated

That is enough of a 'rant' from me. Tell me a bit more about yourself - what do you like doing - hobbies etc.

(There is a thread called Introduce yourself here .... here but you can visit that later when you feel like it)

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

I could rant for a lifetime about medication @Zoe7!!!
I introduced myself in the appropriate place. Thank you.

A little bit about me? I am too I'll to work with a unique combination of mental and physical illnesses
I am working through my bucketlist and that is how I found my love of snowboarding.
To snowboard I have to be fit and bring put on and off medications has made my weight fluctuate so I have taken up Pole Dancing and Ariel Lyra for fitness and upper body strength.

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

That is one of the horrible side effects of some medication for some @Awpgirl Smiley Sad It has certainly contributed to my weight gain - as well as physically being too unwell to do anything for over a year. 

Snowboarding would be a lot of fun - anything in the snow is fun Smiley Very Happy

What else is on your bucket list?

Re: Hi I am new & feeling vunerable

Yeah I LOVE the snow @Zoe7 and i fell in love with snowboarding in the first hour.
My bucket list?
Dying my hair the court red of a marvel character. Completed!
Getting my tongue pierced.
Completed!
Get gun licence and own a desert eagle. I love to shoot for sport!
Get my motorbike licence and own the larger cc bike I can ride ( I'm pretty short)
Learn to fly a helicopter.
Be able to perform a 360 upside down turn on my snowboard
Have dinner at the Moulin Rouge
Have a picnic at the beach under the full moon
Dance in the rain to a special song
Create or become part of a volunteer cybersafety group who help protect the privacy online of those who can't
Become a bee keeper to increase the number of bees in the world

The list goes on and on....
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