Lived Experience Forum

[Aussiej]

Hi I'm a young man and have always had bad anxiety/deperssion panic attacks a month ago I was Broken into while I was asleep and they held me up in my own home it's made things 150 times worse I can't sleep now onto of everything else and since I was 16 thrown onto every medication u can think of none worked last week I have had a unofficial diagnoses by a mental health nurse and psychologist >I say unofficial as they can't write it on paper for me I feel so alone I have too ruined any sort of relationship so I stand alone I think about killing myself daily and still don't know why I haven't
This thing is so hard to deal with my motivation is nil I don't have the entry to even care for myself there are no good days in past 2 weeks so I don't know what it's like to feel happy anymore i really don't know where to go or what to do next. So I'm sorta standing around in emotional pain with it getting worse and I can't stop it the painic attacks are worse then ever please people write your story in comments if you don't mind sharing thanks

[River9]

Hi @Aussiej,

Thank you for reaching out on the Forums. They are a really good place to connect with people who may have gone or be going through similar experiences to you. It sounds like you have been struggling for quite some time with anxiety and depression and I can imagine that would be really draining emotionally, mentally and physically. Will you remain in regular contact with the mental health nurse and psychologist that provided you with the diagnoses? Have they suggested a treatment strategy for you? 

Having your home broken into while you were sleeping must have been a terrifying experience. It is great that you have reached out for help. I hope that you find some comfort in the company provided here on the Forums.

@DeeDee2 posted a thread here which you may be interested in reading. Forum members such as @Phoenix_Rising share her story. Here is another thread which shares peoples' experiences with BPD. @outlander initiated some discussion around treatment options.

I hope you find these threads useful and I hope you are able to connect with some of your Forum members who share a similar experience to you. There are many more threads that you can search by typing key words such as 'BPD' into the search bar.

You are not alone on these Forums. If you're feeling like you might harm yourself tonight or any other night please don't hesitate to contact:

Lifeline: 13 11 14
Suicide callback service: 1300 659 467
If in immediate danger: 000

Take care,

River9

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Aussiej, It is nice to "meet" you.

I can't imagine how terrifying it must have been, having someone break in while you were asleep. I had my home broken into a few years ago while I wasn't there and that caused immense distress, and being there would be a bazillion times worse.

Are you saying that you got an "unofficial" diagnosis of BPD only last week? Do you think the diagnosis is a good fit for the things you struggle with? I don't understand why a psychologist would be reluctant to put a diagnosis on paper - psychologists are professionally recognised as being able to diagnose mental health conditions.

Also, just to clarify, when you say BPD, do you mean borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder? Sometimes these terms get confused around here.

Have you been able to access any support around the trauma of the break in? I don't know what state you are in, but here in NSW anyone who has been a victim of a crime can access free counselling sessions through Victims Services. My understanding is that at least some other states have similar programs.

I hope you are able to feel supported here in Forum Land.

[Aussiej]

Yes borderline personality disorder
I have rang them but still no news on outcome so I'm paying for my own ATM
By unofficial I mean the public health system as in the one that writes meds n a mh nurse have said it fits perfectly
I am also in NSW but I live in a small town so services are rare around here for mental health so paying is my only choice I have as I won't make it unless I start getting the right help now I can't wait till Jan next year for an appointment under the public health system so I have had tho choose between my health and eating tbh
So as I'm not really eating atm I thought well I spend it on this

[Aussiej]

The break in was the worst thing
But it's been around a year n a half I have had feelings of being empty n helpless I'm not the same guy I was 3 years ago I don't laugh or smile I can barely clean my house n wash my clothes these days 😞

[Aussiej]

But after doin some reading it fits perfectly and it's scary but at least I will know we're to go after that
That's all I want

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Aussiej,

I can imagine how hard it must be living in a rural area with limited treatment options. I'm about to start searching for my thirteenth therapist since Feb 2016!!! I live in Sydney and there is no shortage of psychologists here...the challenge is finding a GOOD one!

I found getting the diagnosis of BPD a relief rather than scary. I found it hugely validating to know that there was a name for the stuff that I was struggling with, and that I wasn't the only person in the world who struggled in those ways.

I really hope you are able to find some good support. Are you aware of the Australian BPD foundation: http://bpdfoundation.org.au/ And here is another good website: http://www.projectairstrategy.org/index.html

I hope to see you around in Forum Land. Oh by the way, I have my notifications set such that I am only notified if someone "likes" my post or if they tag me. To tag someone, you put @ in front of their name. So, for example, @Phoenix_Rising.

[Lauz]

Hi @Aussiej,

You have recieved some supportive responses here from @Phoenix_Rising and @River9, I hope this has helped.

Just wanted to also let you know that we have a Topic Tuesday event on tonight all around Living with BPD that may be of interest to you. Our own members will be the experts answering questions related to BPD. The disussion will be starting at 7pm and you can follow allong by clicking the like button to recieve updates.

[Owlunar]

Hi @Lauz

I am glad this discussion on BPD is on tonight - my son had this - I was given a post-mortem diagnosis about it recently actually - I never heard of this until I joined this forum

I will really try not to fall asleep tonight - I often do that after dinner

I hope it is appropriate to discuss having a child with BDP - during his lifetime I often thought that he was someone with no sense of other people's "borders" seeing as he crashed through other people's - mostly mine - constantly - it's as if he didn't see them or have any idea of other people - but I am sure that's not the whole story or even if it's part of the story

I just hope I make it to the discussion if that's okay

Dec