Lived Experience Forum

[eudemonism]

Hi @ whom it may concern. I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed bye my circumstances and stuff like motivation which I suppose you could call depression.

Feeling very foggy, lethargic, drowsy, lightheaded and rather helpless against my circumstances. Which medication probably contributes to. Not sure what too do or who to be angry at. It's destroying me. -and most importantly what do I do too help myself or who do I turn too so they can help?

I slept into 11am and it was because it was easier then facing today. And now I'm up and have had a couple coffees and a few smokes and brekky. -I'm thinking... what am I meant to do??? In this terrible state of consciousness I am in??? Can't really go for a walk. Cause I don't feel well enough. And don't really feel like visiting anyone. Ignored a call from a number my phone don't don't recognize. Cause afraid of dilemma an drama and just don't feel well. And I'm thinking might as well just stay at home the whole day.

I pushed a friend away yesterday. Too protect myself. A friend who is on the same depot Injection. And in the same housing set up. And the mhs tried to get me on the same anti depressants as him. And I'm thinking. It's a set up bye the mhs and support worker sw and I ain't really happy about it. -it's their idea of social rehabilitation.

I've weighed up my options. Visit someone. Family. Friends. Or go for a drive and walk with dog. (Just don't feel like it) not a great deal else to do.

Was dealing with thoughts of guilt and blame for things going wrong and people dying this morning. (Common theme) and dealing with negative projections from others. And negative opinions about my projection. -as if they were all sitting in a cinema where my life story (reality) and my thoughts (mental in my head) were being played. -it's like they can all see it... and what they think and feelabout it. Effects me greatly. -it's hard rule out it not being true once I consider real life Instincts.

Will stop writing now.

Worried about my cat and dog. Because they need looking after and it just seems to hard. Especially the dog with walking and stuff.

Food for thought. Give me what ya got.

[Mazarita]

Hi @eudemonism,

My hours of sleeping and waking are often also very strange. 11am seems civilized to me when I think of my long periods of living dusk until dawn. I liked the solitude and quiet at that time and am probably also a natural night owl. But there was (and still is) an element of withdrawal from the world that is always with me. So I get part of what you are saying, I think.

You asked:

'what do I do to help myself or who do I turn to so they can help?'

In the 'array of problems' thread I was just reading you also said:

'preparation, prevention and preoccupation will be key elements.'

It sounds like you know what to do to help yourself at least but sometimes just feel too down to be able to lift yourself, maybe like today. I get that way too sometimes. I guess what I try to do on days like that is keep gently trying to remind myself that it might be helpful to do some things, even if I don't feel like doing them (eg. visit someone or go for a drive and walk with dog). Sometimes encouraging myself in this way doesn't work so I then try to look on it as just something I need to get through as gently as possible, without stirring up more inner trouble for myself (if that makes sense).

I think I've written enough for this one post, though I haven't responded to everything you said. Hope having some company on the forum today might help alleviate the bad feelings. There's another thing I often do if I'm feeling completely unmotivated otherwise - get on the computer. At least we are exercising our brains and having interraction with other people this way. 

Wishing you well.

[Former-Member]

Hi @eudemonism. I don't have a huge amount to give except to say that I too am struggling with that feeling of not knowing what do to do, things feeling really hard, that feeling of tiredness and helplessness. Like it seems you are, I am finding it difficult to manage medication and wonder whether the side effects are contributing to my issues, or even making them worse. I get really frustrated when support isn't helpful too.

I could ask a heap of questions like what do you get enjoyment from and say lots of things like it will pass etc but I am not sure if be helpful for you right now, and I know that when I am in a place where it all seems too hard, those questions and statements can be really annoying. If you think it would help then feel free to say so.

All I really have to give you is that you aren't alone, it's good to see that you're reaching out and 'Hi I am Funshine and I am hearing you'.

[eudemonism]

Thanks @Mazarita very comforting and soothing words. Plus I now know I'm not alone in this world.

I managed to get a journal entry done and resolve a few issues. My journal entries have been titled. 'Good morning depression' and 'good morning my problems' and will now squeeze out page 3 hahaha.

[eudemonism]

Thanks @Former-Member have grounded myself in front of the laptop screen and am now thinking ahead.

Will be waiting a few minutes or so and then making my next move based upon my options.

And seeing where the day goes from there. -I hope your day turns out well for you. And same goes @Mazarita thanks for the support

Will taking a few deep breathes I think 🙂

[Mazarita]

@eudemonism, good stuff on the journalling. Lol to your journal titles. I used to call my journals 'the book of tortures'. Threw almost all of them away some years ago. Anyway, journalling is another thing you are doing with your day. I read back over some of your interests and activities and it seems like you have quite a number of good things already happening in your life really, maybe not enough to fill up some gaps at times. I hope the forum can be a good addition to your bag of goodies when it comes to handling your down times, and better times too. I'm a bit slow to write these posts sometimes. You've probably already finished page three by now.

[Former-Member]

Deep breaths is good! Journal writing is amazing. Taking a moment and then working out your options - sounds like a really positive plan @eudemonism.

I hope the day turns around for you 🙂

[utopia]

@eudemonism. Some days it is hard to motivate yourself to do things outside.
Those days, I treat myself gently. I allow myself a 'down day' or two. A day to stay in bed. Read a book. Watch mindless tv. Or just sit on the couch and pat the dogs.
Tomorrow may be a day where you can get up and take the dog for a walk. Or pop in and have a chat with a friend.
Knowing when to be gentle with yourself and when to push yourself; only you will know that.
A big problem for me when my depression is strong, is isolating myself from others. Not wanting to talk to anyone. But at the same time, that's when I feel the most lonely.

[eudemonism]

Alcohol is a problem for me. It's so easy to try and drink my problems away and then get stuck in a rut. And be feeling even worse. And my social group seems to fuel it.

@utopia I'm hearing ya

@Former-Member I got to sort a few things out before I can really move forward

@Mazarita I never got page three finished

[Former-Member]

Hi @eudemonism. Nice to see you again 🙂

I too have a few things to sort out before moving forward. I think that I used to need to be reminded that until I sorted this stuff out, going forward was going to be full of backwards steps (at the least), or impossible altogether. Most of the time now I am too reminded of that, and it can feel a bit too hard. That probably makes no sense sorry. I find it a hard place to be sometimes though.

How was the rest of your day?