Lived Experience Forum

[Tufflife]

Hi , I am so lost at the moment. My relationship with my husband is non existent and we have drifted apart. I moved out of home for a lil while hoping that would help but hasn't , I am currently back home but really don't wanna be here. I not in love with him anymore.
My depression and anxiety have flared up again, I don't wanna do anything or go anywhere .
I really don't know what to do anymore , I have no one around me for support or to talk too . I always down and find no enjoyment. I feel like everything that is happening is my fault .

[Former-Member]

Hi @Tufflife,

It must be really difficult currently for you. I have no marriage advice but was wondering if it is a good time for you to make such an important decision although I realise it's probably a catch 22 at the moment in that your mental health is probably suffering more under the strain and uncertainty. Have you had honest conversations with him? I was also wondering if it was worth trying relationship counselling if you think it's still possible to salvage your marriage.

Lastly do you have a counsellor to help you through with the depression and anxiety? That was essential for me during my break up. I needed my counsellor so much during that time and had a social worker as well to help with the logistics, I had kids and other complications as well. 

I wish you well with whatever you chose. 💜😊

[Tufflife]

Hi @Former-Member

I have tried having the conversation with him but won't listen or he gets shitty and it ends up in arguments. I have also tried talking to him thru letters but that also doesn't work. He won't go to counseling as he doesn't believe in them and think they fill ur head full of shit.
My doctor has referred me to another counselor but I don't get to see them til next Wednesday afternoon. I haven't seen one in 12 months as I was doing ok . I am lucky in a way I don't have kids but I am my 16yr old sisters guardian but she made it clear that she will stay with my hubby .

[Former-Member]

Hi @Tufflife,

I remember your situation now. I think you posted a while back. That's great you are seeing a counsellor again. It looks like you have tried every way to connect with him and he is rejecting every attempt which must be heartbreaking. Were you finding it better when you were apart? 

[Tufflife]

@ Teej
Yes I probably did post a while back when things start to happen but since things have gotten worse . When I had kinda moved out , I wasn't as stressed and I was more relaxed , but still didn't quiet know where to go from there. I was trying to work out what I wanted to do and if things with hubby would improve and he would wanna talk but it didn't make any difference.

[Former-Member]

I guess maybe there are some answers there then. If your mental health is bette without him and he is making no attempt to reconcile maybe it's time to look after you first. If you do leave though please please think carefully about how you do it in that you'll have property/items to separate. The last thing you would need is him changing the locks so you can't get your things if it came to that which it may not but you need to be careful, it happens. Is there anyone you can work this through with?

[Tufflife]

The action that I need to take is right there in front of me but I don't know how to make the first move .
I don't have anywhere to go as where I was before are unable to assist me again, and I don't have anyone that can help me thru this either .

[Former-Member]

I think @Tufflife first step is to talk all this through with your counsellor. They may be able to help you find the resources and supports that you need. There are also services I'm sure in every state to help women. In my state it's called the Women's Information Service. They can direct you to help with this process too. For now though try not to stress. Try to find comfort in that you are seeking help and you can have faith that you will have a better life.  I'm sorry your support is no longer there for you. Rest up a while now. Come back on when ever you need to talk. You are not  alone with this. 💜😊

[Tufflife]

Yea I will , I am also scared and stressed about this psychologist as i hate meeting new ppl and having to talk about me . But hope she can help , I am hoping that I can get thru this and find my way . I feel so alone. Thanks for ur chat , it's good to know there are others that have been or are going thru the same or similar.

[Former-Member]

I know it will be difficult to meet someone new with so much going on for you but I really hope it will help. I think as long as your husband is not abusing you or kicking you out you have time to work this through to make things good for you. Don't put too much pressure on to have it all sorted now. I'm going to bed now but will be around in the next few days. There will be others around as well. Take care @Tufflife💜🤗