Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

@Sans911 are you still up?

[Sans911]

Yea lil Sis. Getting tired but nearly finished what I wanted to do @outlander

[outlander]

Ok sis, just having big emotions popping up and just wanted someone to sit with @Sans911

[Sans911]

Do you want to talk about anything ? What about your worry box? Breathing or grounding techniques? @outlander

Happy to sit with you too. I'm right here my angel

[outlander]

Im scared about what is happening physically and its bringing on lots of those big feeling really alone emotions even though i know ive got you guys. And then brings the guilty and awful feelings because i know ive got you guys here so why do i feel alone. I dont want to feel like sook, im trying to be brave. Just lots of emotions all swirling around. Ive used my worry box and it helped a little bit for the more minor things and have been breathing as i tend to breate hold but didnt really notice till today. @Sans911
Im sorry for putting this on you

[Sans911]

First, you're not putting anything on me. You know I'm only to happy to support. When I need my sleep I will tell you or if I'm busy elsewhere.

We can often feel alone even when we know others are thinking of us, or are supporting us in rl. If I could pick up the phone and call you I would do it a heartbeat because you would have that 'real' connection.

I feel the same way about being alone. Because you're all 'here' but not here in the darkness of the night or our minds. But remember too that thoughts can't hurt you. They are only thoughts.

With all that you have going on in your life, which is a hell of a lot, you are being incredibly brave and you're allowed to feel sad at the same time. But you are trying to predict something which may be nothing. Your feelings are valid, very valid but perhaps out of proportion to what might be wrong. Or not

How do you feel about doing a pros and cons of what is happening in relation to the test and physical symptoms you are having? Like a best and worst case scenario.

And the worry box is there for big stuff too. Maybe do the pros and cons list, and then put it in your worry box.

I'm making a hot Milo to take my meds. I'll make one for you and come and sit back down with you. And let's take this 15mins at a time. Can you manage that?

@outlander

[outlander]

I tried to write a response to you but i dont know why i cant physically post it. Im so conflicted between do i talk about it or do i distract away from them @Sans911

[outlander]

Im getting tired myself too. Its already 130 here

[Sans911]

Do you think talking about it will help? Sometimes talking about our intense emotions can decrease the intensity. Do what you feel is best for you, what you feel would benefit you the most. I've just taken my meds so I have about another half hour to chat if you want.

[outlander]

Im not sure. How about i post it to share with you but maybe sitting is best to ride them out for tonight....


I did use the worry box for the big stuff too but didnt really have any effect on it.
Its not so much that im scared of the results being bad because i will deal with that when/if it comes to that. It is the unknown like is it something bad? What could it be? What happens if it shows nothing, what happens next...

They mentioned that i may need to go off my medications meaning noADs and no mood stabilisers either as it could be those causing it.
Theres just lots of uncertainty and that is what is kinda scaring me and the thought that if it is something bad then i may need to go to hospital. Thats a scary thought for me and also brings out the burdening feeling that it puts onto others. I know i cant help it if im unwell but it doesnt really stop those emotions and thoughts either