Lived Experience Forum

[ItsMeAgain1]

I've lost everything all at once these past 3-6 months. My health, career, partner, home, etc. I've spent years in investing myself into all of these, and I'm at rock bottom because I have lost them all in a big way. I'm trying my best to look after myself. I am forcing myself to do the basics I would in hospital like eating healthy (even if it's a frozen meal), keep my sleeping normal, exercise, meds, etc. 

I'm keen to hear from everyone how you have ever made sense of the types of things that got me to rock bottom.

I was an absolute ticking time-bomb at work. They legit medically retired me after months of me being a pain in the *ss and generally paranoid, suspicious, saying mean things about others, etc. I always interrupted, I was arrogant, and I was someone that was nasty to be around. What are your thoughts? I'm trying to figure out where the line is with me just being an a-hole and my illness and why this pattern (particullarly professionally) keeps on happening. Thanks. 

[Clawde]

Hi @ItsMeAgain1 👋 sometimes on our way to get to where we are going, things happen for a reason, maybe the reason is not clear to you yet, just keep going, and don't burn your path, it may take you back to the beginning, just keep going, just trust your self, from your Clawde :ok_hand:

[Clawde]

Hi @Shaz51 tagged you in can help the person, thanks from your Clawde

[Shaz51]

Hello @ItsMeAgain1 , sorry you have gone though soo much lately 

Keep on keeping on my friend like @Clawde suggested 

Can I ask what mental illness you have 

[Clawde]

Goodnight @Shaz51 @ItsMeAgain1 contact you from Clawde in the morning 👍

[Shaz51]

Good night my @Clawde 

Hope you are ok @ItsMeAgain1  here for you 

@Former-Member xx 

[Jynx]

Thanks @Shaz51 

Hey @ItsMeAgain1 I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling like rock bottom. I'm really glad to hear that you are putting in the effort to take care of your wellbeing. I can also understand if you are also frustrated because you are unsure about a way forward, particularly in the midst of so much loss. 

I suppose one thing to remember is that you are questioning your behaviours, trying to gauge whether you are 'being an a-hole' or not. This is a sign of two things I think.

1. You are a good person who cares about others - if you didn't, you wouldn't be here asking these questions. 

2. You have the capacity for self-reflection and insight, which is always the first step to making changes. 

The other thing to remember is that many folks who have been through traumas - particularly within significant relationships - will sometimes behave in ways that they consider undesirable, but have no idea why they are doing it. Sometimes trauma responses become unconscious and ingrained - they needed to so that we could survive. However now these habits and patterns are no longer useful, but it takes time to re-train the brain not to respond by always just hitting the panic button. 

For some the panic button looks like panic, for others it is dissociation, and for some it is anger or aggression; it is different for everyone. 

You have done an awesome thing by connecting to us here. I would also recommend giving the SANE Help Centre a go - they are a wonderful bunch of therapists and peer workers who can offer counselling and connection - it might help to be able to hash it out with someone over the phone (they also have chat if that is more your style, or you can book a call for a time and day you prefer). They're closed over the weekend but Mon-Fri 10am-10pm you can give em a buzz and see if it helps you figure out what your next steps might be 

In the meantime, the lovely forumites are here to support you as well - you're not alone @ItsMeAgain1  

[BPDSurvivor]

@ItsMeAgain1 ,

Sounds so difficult. I'm sorry to hear things are so tough.

In terms of understanding and making sense of why I've hit rock bottom? I don't try too hard anymore. I feel like I'm frying my brain every time I overthink. Most certainly, to recognise what has attributed to you hitting rock bottom, is a step to making change, however, if you find yourself getting upset and stressed over it, I'd suggest you give yourself a break.

Self preservation and self care is needed...

Take care. Please continue to reach out.

BPDSurvivor