Does that mean @Determined that you find yourself primarily in the carer role much of the time?
I think that the flexibility to shift between roles in a relationship is like a muscle that needs to be exercised to stay strong. In a way it's the same when partners become parents. You can completely sink into the new role and operate solely as co-parents. Or you can very deliberately carve out time to be partners. When you don't do it very often it feels very strange and almost unnatural.
Of course the difference is that your wife's health would also be a factor in when you can make the switch. You can only really do it when she's well and able to switch over with you.
Are there times when that can happen?
In my own relationship my partner suffers from depression and anxiety. He's not too bad at the moment but there have been some pretty dark times. At those points I found that I needed to emotionally withdraw from him as the gravitational pull of his depression is very strong. I'm still physically present and doing what needs to be done but I've sort of disconnected emotionally. At that point I feel like I'm dialling in both partner and carer a bit. I'm mostly someone clinging to my own life raft. But at other times, when he's better, I can be just partner and we can have a really good time.
Are you getting those times?
