Topic Tuesday // Caring about, not caring for // Tues 20 Aug, 7pm AEDT

[Former-Member]

For my nephew it is not so much not accepting help (he sees pdoc/ therapist) but is more around his practical needs.

One of my absolute favourite things is picking spot on gifts for loved ones and when I see people in need, having appropriate boundaries around this and it is something I find difficult without coming across as being patronising). In relation to my nephew who financially challenged, morbidly obese it is his desperate need of a decent wardrobe. His clothes cost a fortune due to his size. It is his birthday coming up soon and I feel I might need to restrict a present to one item (unless he can find a two-for-one deal which I don't think happens in his size range).

[Former-Member]

@Determined it sounds like you know you did the right thing which is good but it doesn't always help the hurt. Sometimes, certain situations will require us to have to contact people or others to help the person we are concerned for. 

Another big part of helping someone who doesn't want help is around managing your own feelings, expectations or triggers too. It can be hard to step back or let go if someone doesn't or hasn't wanted help 💙

[Georgie_Girl]

Totally agree,

I know in my situation, I had to take a break.

 I knew I couldn’t take any more so I left and took the kids with me.

 I felt terrible, but the situation got so bad that we needed space and to feel safe.

 I truly believe that this also gave him space. As hard as it was for everyone- things have been soo much better since

[Mrsjones]

I agree, I found that I was able to better help my husband (if it was wanted or not) once I understood and managed my own feelings. I started going and talking to someone myself which gave me the tools to do this.
I know I am still on this journey of understanding my feelings and this in turn supporting his but I am really making progress in this space 🙂

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member kindness in gifts can be so lovely and its good to understand the perspective around boundaries here too 🌟

[Former-Member]

Understanding and managing our own feelings = 😀😀😀

[Former-Member]

@Determined you mentioned organising a call to a family member for someone and I just wanted to also mention that sometimes we need to do things to support someone that might be at risk or if we are worried for their safety.

There is a really good resource via the website Conversations Matter on how to support someone if they are unsafe. It's good to remember too that it is not down to just you to support them in that moment, always contact emergency services if you are concerned for safety. 

[Determined]

Haha managing my own feelings is a growth area for me. I just feel the need to help people and when I can't feel a sense of failure. 

[Shaz51]

Understanding and managing our own feelings, totally agree @Former-Member , @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@Mrsjones and @Georgie_Girl good work on doing what was right for you and being aware of your own feelings at play. It can seem hard but it sounds like in turn managing that helped both you and your loved one. 

This is a good lead into my next discussion topic as we all chat about managing feelings. How do you do that? And I am going to link this into self care as well. What process, steps, actions did you go through to try to check in/connect/understand your own feelings and move forward based on that reflection?

It is so important in a process of being there for someone, whether its all the time or in a moment, that we make sure to check in on ourselves as we can all be affected no matter how much we try not to be. Its part of caring for another and is a beautiful challenge of that caring.